Hangin' with the Ps

 

One of Nancy's and my favorite trips in recent years has been an annual trek to Florida, first to my parents' place in Zephyrhills for a few days, then on to Disney's Vero Beach Resort for a little seaside relaxation and renewal for the four of us.  The first part of the trip involves checking on the status of "my" palm tree, shown below, that my parents are keeping for me.  It's about the tallest in their park and one of my proudest possessions.

 

After confirming that all is well in the palm world, we commence with the warm ups.  This year it included a couple of "practice" happy hours and some cutthroat Mexican Train (a domino game our good friends Jan and Miguel Rodriguez introduced us to last year).  Here are a few pics from one of the more tenacious games.  The last two are of me first discovering and then trying to figure out how my mother scored exactly 42 points four turns in a row (we later discovered that she was exercising a well known and very powerful privilege called "whatever mama says goes").

Once our relationships were sufficiently damaged, we headed off for the healing vistas of the Atlantic.  Disney's Vero Resort is an ocean front complex on a barrier island in the little town of Orchid.  The resort is everything it should be.  This is the front entrance as you pull off Highway A1A. 

Here are a few pics of the five-story atrium lobby where you check-in.

 

And the pool area which has a two-story slide and a nine-hole miniature golf course around one side.

 

 

 



And the sea side of the resort which offers ocean view hotel rooms, three-story vacation home complexes and six beach-front cottages that accommodate up to 12.  This time we were in a third floor one-bedroom vacation home with attached studio and a beautiful view of the water.  The veranda of our vacation home is shown in the third pic. 

 

 

 

Just before we made this visit in mid-November, Hurricane Sandy had passed by.  Though the storm was well out to sea, the outer winds created powerful waves that wrought havoc on the beach.  Here are a few pics of Nancy, my mother and I surveying the damage from the observation deck and the shoreline.  Note how the sand was cut away from the shore in several pics, creating a new "bluff" along much of the way and burying the bottom portion of the walkway down to the beach.  In the final pics here the crew is digging out and restoring that walkway (with equipment Nancy would love to have at Wiser Times).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Of course, the highlights of our fall trips to Vero have always been exchanging stories about the various contingents of the family (at present - Florida, Michigan, Texas, New Jersey and "missing"), observing the family happy hour traditions (the Disney Vero Resort is actually considered Wiser Times South), and playing more than a little cribbage.  Here are some shots from the most recent trip.  First a little nerve-steeling through pre-event parallel play, then lubing up for the competition, and finally - in mortal combat.

  

 

 

 

Despite the accusations of cheating at cribbage, fudging domino point counts and watering down the Manhattans (hey, I'm now living on a fixed retirement income with a reduced allowance - cut me some slack), a good - no great - time was had by all.  One of my blessings in life is that I know few people who are more fun to hang out with than my parents.  So I plan to keep on doing it - at least until I win a few more cribbage games.

 

If any of you have "hangin' with the Ps" stories of your own, I'd love to hear them.  And for the background of the Burk family history with Disney, please check my previous post entitled Disney.

 

And some great news on another previous post - Lunch Poetry.  The tradition is being renewed in January with an outing to the Mexican Town Restaurant on the 16th.  If your invitation was lost in the mail but you're interested, just let me know.  The event has given rise to the first new lunch poetry in over 10 years.  It is repeated below for your entertainment, set to the tune of Gene Autry's Back in the Saddle Again.

 

Get back with those tacos again,

Out where friends cheer up friends,

Where the working weary feeds,

And retirees tend their needs,

Back with those tacos again.

 

Dipping' those chips just once more,

Throwin' our cares on the floor,

Where we sort out every fright,

And make our mood just right,

Back with those tacos again.

 

 

 Until next time.





65

As I sit here taking a break from the holiday hubbub, it's finally settled in that I turned 65 last month.  That amounts to a little under 24,000 days on Earth, and a little over 16,000 since becoming an adult (this estimate might be a little high).  It also occurs to me that through those many years I have learned to navigate daily life in my own even (some would say slow) pace, drawing on my own observations, the guidance of my parents, a few hard knocks, and a bit more luck than I would like to admit. 

Knowing how I like to share, I'm sure that you won't be surprised that I think it would be fun to opine a little over what I've learned.  I'm not talking about the big ideas that we all know are key to a happy life - life-long learning, finding gainful employment, selecting the right spouse, and the like.  Rather I'm talking about the more subtle principles that elude us all at times, but can make daily life a little easier and more satisfying when remembered.  You might find something of value in the following.  But at the very least you will gain a little better understanding of what drives my behavior, and hopefully will be generous enough to forgive me for it.  So here are 10 things I have learned in my 65 years that I think are worth sharing.

1 - Life is a test, and tomorrow you get to take it again.  I first heard this phrase used in a negative tone, implying that each day bears new challenges that must be faced no matter how successful you may have been in the past.  But I prefer to look at it in the opposite light - that each day presents new opportunities to get things right, regardless of yesterday's sore spots.  This is also a variation on one of my favorite lines from the movies, specifically from Anne of Green Gables.  It is the one where Anne's teacher, Miss Stacy, tells her, "Every day begins fresh with no mistakes".  If you're familiar with the story, you know why that was so important for Anne to hear.  The bottom line is that if you can arise each morning unburdened by yesterday's regrets, your chances of having a good day go up.

2 - Know what you want out of life. And it can't be just - more. That's a goal that keeps moving beyond your reach no matter how far you go, and can breed frustration and unhappiness.  Better to have prioritized your life goals (that means spending a little time on them) and have placed them in order of importance. Then, over time, get as far down the list as you can. And take comfort that you have honored the top priorities. For me (and Nancy - we worked this issue together years ago), the top four are 1. Honesty, 2. Health, 3. Strong Marriage, and 4. Effective Parenting. There are several other items on the list, and we work them all as able. But only after any needed attention to the top items is taken care of. And at 65, it feels good that those top priorities seem to be in good shape.

3 - If the consequences of your behaviors aren't meeting your basic needs, there is an error in your belief window.  This one is a little heavy, but important.  It is an excerpt from The Franklin Reality Model, freeware that was published in the '80s, originally developed as part of a drug and alcohol addiction intervention program.  But it has direct application to everyday life.  What it means in plain old blog-ese is that if things aren't going your way, it isn't necessarily someone else's fault.  It could be that the world may not work quite the way you think it does, and you need to re-think one or two of your closely held assumptions about life.  Or as one of my old mentors (the beloved William T. Bigby) used to say, "If you want things to turn out differently, you have to do something different."  (I did warn you that it was heavy.  It gets lighter from here.  Mostly.)

4 - Well begun is half done.  I have Mary Poppins to thank for this one (that's where I first heard it, years ago).  How true.  I find that if I can just take the first step on a necessary task or project, the momentum builds quickly.  Doing is definitely easier than starting.  I found this to be true in my work life and now in retirement.  It can take me days to open up Blogger.  But once I click on "new post" and enter a title, it's like I have you all in the room and am talking to you directly (one of my favorite things) and I could stay at the keyboard for hours.  So when you're stuck, just....take the first small bite out of whatever is vexing you.  It works.

5 - If it's in the planner, it happens.  This is a variation on the previous item, coined for me by my good friend Dave Dyle.  Our families have vacationed together for years.  During the years we had school-age kids at home, we would develop a five-year plan for those vacations, around the school calendar.  Sick, right?  But the vast majority of those planned activities actually came off pretty much as conceived.  This was because once an item was written down somewhere (for me, of course, this was always in my Franklin Day Planner, but any well-honed method will do), the time was protected, conflicts were managed, and necessary tasks were calendared and performed.  I can't tell you the fun and satisfaction that has been had by our two families because of this priniciple. 

6 - Preserve relationships.  This one has helped me avoid or escape from arguments (at least in later life) by remembering that there is almost always a way to make a point or communicate a message without creating hard feelings.  We all know the techniques.  The trick is to remember to use them when we are irritated or in stark disagreement with someone.  It all starts by committing to a basic respect for others as individuals - especially those we do not know or do not particularly like spending time with. 

7 - Treat people as if they know things you don't, because they do. And very likely, what they know could be helpful. The trick is to get them to tell you. This starts with the previously mentioned basic respect for others, but also requires a demonstration of interest on your part. In the working world, value the dissenters. Disagreement should be the beginning of conversation, not the result.  Showing an interest in and learning the basis for opposing opinions will more often lead to middle ground and agreement than will strenuously defending your own point of view. And both inside and outside of work I have found that people generally like to be asked how they are and what they think, about anything. Engaging others just for conversation, especially people you don't usually talk to, can lead to discovery of all sorts of new and useful information. And in this age of automation, phone calls and emails just to keep in touch can be as effective as sitting down over a cup of coffee.

8 - Don't major in the minors.  In other words, don't let a small issue - however strongly you feel about it - undo the good of a major activity or experience if you can possibly avoid it.  My favorite example of this is what I call "the great cereal caper".  A family (who shall remain nameless), while purchasing groceries on a fairly expensive vacation, fell into an argument over the price of cereal.  One of the children (who shall remain nameless) had her heart set on purchasing a particular cereal that was a little more expensive than the parents were used to paying.  To the parents, opting for the less expensive item was consistent with the normal fiscal prudence with which they ran their household.  To the child, the purchase of her preference would make this excursion to paradise complete.  Also, because of her excitement over the vacation (which was at a well-known Orlando resort which shall remain nameless), her tender age (classified, but under 10), and the build-up the parents had given the vacation for months, the child was wrapped about as tight as she could have been and not that interested in the economics argument being put forth by the parents.  She was flying high.  So the question became - were the parents really willing to blow the euphoria they had spent so much time and cash to create over a $5 box of cereal?  Fortunately, the parents - after a short but intense private session in the next aisle - capitulated.  Thus the trauma was avoided and the vacation unfolded without further incident.  And one post-script.  During my many years of family vacations, I have observed a number of other families caught up in similar crises, the majority of which ended in angry words and tears.   Of course, you could make the argument that those potentially explosive disagreements that ended positively would be harder to notice.  But.....nah.  Don't major in the minors.

9 - Geography is a powerful force.  Where you spend your time, who you hang out with, what you keep close at hand - all affect what happens to you, what you think, and what you do.  It also determines how you affect others.  So choose wisely.  It's hard to stay on a diet with a plate full of cookies on the counter.  A more important variation on this theme is that it's hard to maintain relationships without spending time together.  This by the way is the consideration driving the regular events in the annual Burk family calendar - the spring picnic, the Spinner Invitational golf outing, the Labor Day listening room at the cottage, and others.  Nancy and I have always made a point of getting people together on a regular basis, and have a lot of long-standing, excellent friends to show for it.  But whether it's work or play, creating environments that are friendly to your values and goals pays endless rewards, and makes life a little easier and more fun.  (See my earlier post The Art of the Dawdle for a particularly useful application of this priniciple.)

10 - Don't just smell the roses, plant some.  Those roses we're supposed to stop and smell don't plant themselves.  They often have their roots in an act or gesture by someone or something else.  To provide those roses for others, we each need to do our part.  It can be anything that brightens the lives of those around us - a kind word, an unexpected service or gift, a social event (my favorite), or just keeping your end of an important social contract.  They all count.  And if we all did this more, life would be better.  We taught our kids that there are givers and takers in the world.  And that if there is more giving than taking, the system can work.  I still think that's true.

So enough opining.  If you got this far, I am in your debt.  And if any of you have pearls of your own to share, please do.  I'm sure there are plenty of life truths out there that I haven't yet stumbled over :-)

Until next time. 

Leaf Burning

I've been offline for while, traveling and, well, doing stuff.  But I'm back and ready to talk about an old tradition that has faded away from routine urban life.  That would be the autumnal burning of each new year's unwanted crop of fallen leaves.  At home, like good city dwellers, the Burk family brings to bear an arsenal of complex tools and an Herculean effort to rake, drag and stack what seems like billions of mostly maple leaves, moving the bulk of them from deep in our back yard, up across the garage tarmac and down about 90 feet of driveway to the curb.  Here the City of Grosse Pointe Woods graciously sucks them into a big truck with a vacuum hose the size of a water main and takes them to some secret place for the next step in the journey.  It's an efficient system, but pretty much devoid of fun.  However, the acquisition of the family cottage in Greenbush has given new life to the old ways.

Wiser Times is blessed with numerous trees.  On the beach side (which we choose to call the front yard) there are mostly pines, with the occasional tamarack and cedar.  These trees behave fairly well, except for the tamaracks, which have needles instead of leaves but still insist on throwing them all over the ground each fall.  A nuisance, but not much of a challenge.

The road side (or back yard) of the cottage is a different story.  Many oak trees.  With many, many oak leaves.  Big, brown leathery leaves that if left unattended, would lie in their above-ground graves for years.  They do not dry out and blow away.  I know this to be true because until two weeks ago, there were some oak leaves in our back yard in hard to get at spots that had been there at least since 2005 when we bought the place.  Old friends, sort of. 

For the first few years the new management of Wiser Times struggled with the annual fall of these leaves, raking only where necessary to save grass, shoving as many leaves as possible back under trees where they weren't so obvious, and at times even bagging these arboral monsters and carting them off for pick up and disposal by unsuspecting taxing authorities (who shall remain nameless).  But last year, after several November days at the cottage working on a magnificent jigsaw puzzle of a rural leaf-burning scene, Nancy and I had an epiphany.  Duh - what was our problem?  Let's burn those bad boys!

What ensued was a six-hour frenzy of raking, dragging, dumping and burning leaves in our driveway behind the cottage.  It lasted through lunch, mid-afternoon snack, happy hour, dinner and post-dinner cordials, all taken in lawn chairs strategically placed around the burn.  It was a blast.  As this was our first effort, we focused mainly on the new leaves and not on those we were hoarding from previous years.  We didn't want to overplay our hand.  Nonetheless, we emerged from that marathon event spent and smokey, but immensely satisfied.  Even giddy.  We knew we were on to something.

Earlier this year over cocktails one night, we happened to relate our leaf-burning adventure to our close friends the Dyles.  It was a fortuitous happening.  After hanging on our every word with nearly mesmeric attention, they announced that they wanted to join the fun and help us burn leaves at the next opportunity.  Yes!  Now that's what I'm talking about!  I mean....er....we said we would be glad to invite them up for the fun this year. They enthusiastically accepted.

So on November 15th after some would-be schedule conflicts evaporated, the Burks and the Dyles, reinforced with additional weaponry (new leaf rakes, combat-tested tarps and some fancy leaf-grabbing claws), struck out for Wiser Times and the battle with nature.

Friday the 16th was the day of reckoning.  Leaf Team One (as I refer to it) arose early, sort of, and went over the battle plan in the war room.  Well, I guess that isn't totally accurate.  More like we sat around in our jams drinking coffee (hot chocolate for some), playing on the Internet and feasting on a fab, bakery-grade coffee cake.  But we did mention once or twice that the leaves wouldn't burn themselves, so we had that going for us.  Fortunately, no photo record of this part of the gathering remains due to privacy and security restrictions.

By noon, we were fed, clothed, and ready to rumble.  Here is a shot of Leaf Team One, gear in hand, just before kick-off.  Sort of a Greenbush Gothic look.

Here's a second shot with a little perspective on the leaf population involved.

Step 1 in the battle was to recon the situation and round up the strays, starting with the front and side yards. Here are a couple more shots documenting the problem as well as one of Robyn and Dave routing out some stubborn mavericks from the corner by the deck.

Once the first patrols were in with prisoners, it was time to light-up.  Here are a few shots of the early stages of the burn.

 

And a few more pics covering the action as the afternoon wore on.  This first one records a slight problem we were having with potential hazardous road conditions.  Luckily, the local authorities were all burning their own leaves.

 

And in these shots, you can see that the full Tom Sawyer effect has emerged :-)

And here are a few shots of the results - a multitude of oak leaves vanquished.

And of course, at the appropriate juncture there was a timeout for the obligatory social hour.  After all, the cottage isn't named Wiser Times for nothing.

And though the leaves had all been gathered and led into the fire, they did not go easily.  They continued to burn into the night.

Around 8:00, with the last leaves thrust into the fire, the lawn chairs stowed and the remains of the burn-side pizza and wings shuttled to the kitchen, we declared victory and hung up our rakes.  Of course, the fire embered well into the night, as was expected.  The next morning the ashes were shoveled up and wheel-barrowed back among the trees to promote the continued growth that will help generate next year's crop of leaves.  Wiser Times is now patiently awaiting winter's first snowfall with a clear conscience.

And one postscript.  David was apparently under-worked during the leaf wars as while the rest of us recovered the next day by lazing in the family room, watching football and enjoying the lake view, David snuck out to the back yard and split about a half cord of wood.  Just for good measure.  With excellent friends like the Dyles, who needs household help.

Here's looking forward to next year.  Any new takers for the 2013 campaign?