Chores

In my previous state of what I like to refer to as "chore grace", I had forgotten what it takes to keep a home (make that two homes) up and running. You see, many years ago my Bride negotiated a deal for her early departure from the world of government employment. She wanted to head for the greener pastures of home self-employment which eventually resulted in what is known on the web as www.littlechickadee.com (if you haven't tried it, you should. Your local wild bird population will thank you.) But back to the deal. Nancy wanted to make this move so badly that she agreed to a major shift in the Burk family chore-time continuum.

A brief historical note is needed here. Prior to Nancy's move to the private sector, the family chore-time continuum had hummed along in perfect balance for many years (well at least it hadn't gone supernova). The cooking, marketing, house cleaning, laundry, yard work, bill-paying, arranging for and managing house repairs, etc., had been if not evenly at least carefully distributed across the adults and offspring benefiting from life at 651 Vernier. We even had weekly meetings to review the status of key activities, propose adjustments, threaten the kids and assign blame for systems breakdowns. It was a little bloody at times, but it worked. Enter "Nancy's Great Adventure".

In order to make the great escape, Nancy was willing to assume responsibility for all household chores. Let me repeat that. All - household - chores. This was even more noteworthy as by that time the kids either had or were about to leave the nest for college and had greatly reduced their involvement in household affairs (other than receiving tuition and housing money, of course.)  So I couldn't believe my good fortune.  Without fanfare or hullabaloo, my ship had come in. I had hit the spousal jackpot. I had found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I was free. But I digress.

To be truthful, I actually did retain three tasks - ironing my own slacks, taking out the trash and blowing snow. For some reason, these were the items that Nancy deemed most unpleasant. Fortunately, all were within my limited domestic skill set, so the die was cast. I had it pretty good (read incredibly good) for quite a while, and was even able to avoid a number of snow removal episodes with some well-timed business travel. But sadly, like all good things, my chore-grace has come to an end.

While intellectually I knew that an adjustment to the home chore routine was coming, and only fair, emotionally I wasn't ready. Having little direct experience with such duties in recent years, I had forgotten just which ones were the most pesky and required the greatest effort. So I was ill-prepared for the "now you're retired" negotiations (although I knew I would not be given laundry. I had received a life-time ban from laundry many years ago for unacceptable performance - who knew white isn't a color?)

But my lucky star came through again.  The conversation was brief, and I was both humiliated and saved by my Bride's intimate knowledge of my limitations. I took back yard work (which thankfully does not include gardening.  That is squarely on Nancy's list. Gardening requires special knowledge and a high level of attention. In Olympian terms, I was "DQd".) I also took kitchen cleanup and a periodic commitment to participating in something called "deep cleaning", most likely under the supervision of others. And to humor me, I get to lead and actually perform most of the tasks that would fall into the category of organizing, like straightening piles into stacks, de-cluttering cupboards and closets, and tidying up the garage and furnace room - all tasks that only have to be done at all if you have a certain personality disorder (can you say OCD?)

I did have one close call when a question was raised as to whether trimming the hedge was yard work or gardening. I must have looked pretty pathetic after receiving my new assignments as it only took a half-hearted grimace and a pouty lip to receive a favorable ruling that it was.....gardening :-)  Pity can be a beautiful thing.

So as it turned out I didn't do so badly. Even though the new chore distribution applies to both the house and the cottage, I've been able to keep up and even work ahead a bit on the organizing thing (go figure). And Nancy is grateful that very few of my new duties include the use of power tools. This may help the family budget by avoiding an increase in costs for duct tape and band aids.

   

Elizabeth

This week saw another Burk family retirement - Elizabeth. In many ways, this retirement was more noteworthy than my own.

My retirement had been on the horizon for years. We saw it coming. There was anticipation. There was planning. There was fretting, adjustment, theorizing, uncertainty, excitement, and finally relief. With Elizabeth there was none of that. It all happened in a day.

Elizabeth was our housekeeper, arriving at our home at seven every other Wednesday morning and working often past five. She had been with us most of our married lives, starting with her cross-town bus trips to Dearborn in the early '80s. But that's only recent history. Elizabeth was also housekeeper to Nancy's grandmother, aunt, and parents, Rae and Marge, since before Nancy was born. Let me repeat that. Since before Nancy was born. That would be since the early '50s.

Elizabeth was in all ways but blood a family member. She was there as Nancy and her brother Dave grew up. She was there through all the births, deaths and weddings that have occurred in the family the last 60 years. She was on our holiday shopping lists. In short, she was one of the constants of our family life. No one in our immediate family had ever been without her.

But, in recent years (and I emphasize only in recent years), Elizabeth's mobility and strength slowly diminished, as it only could. We wondered on and off if it was time for us to end the relationship and let her retire. But how do you retire a family member? We never had the will or the courage to seriously pursue the issue.

So last Wednesday, at the outset of Elizabeth's regular bi-weekly visit, she took control of the situation herself. She mentioned to Nancy during the ride from the bus stop that it might be time to call it a day. We believe she was moved by her realization that she was no longer able to perform the full range of services that she had in the past. But in true Elizabeth form, she deferred to us for the final decision as Elizabeth was the personification of a service professional. She asked that we make a decision by the end of the day.

Nancy and I discussed the question briefly and knew that since Elizabeth had raised the issue, that there could only be one answer. The challenge became just how to say goodbye. We did our best to work through the day in a normal manner, going about our routine, chatting lightly with Elizabeth as our paths crossed in one room or another, but clearly focused on the close of the day and the goodbye. In the end, the goodbye was as simple and straightforward as the relationship had always been. Some reminiscing, an offering of flowers, hugs, smiles, and a final wave. And then she was gone. Simple, but for us, deeply sad.

There will be the occasional phone call I'm sure, and perhaps a postcard from one of our frequent vacation spots, but the relationship we have had for so many years is now essentially over. Elizabeth, we will miss you, and we wish you nothing but the best.

And one more thing that must be noted. As you may expect, with over 60 years of service to the LeRoy and Burk families, Elizabeth was on in years. Just how far on we never could determine and cared too much for Elizabeth's dignity to ask (she was an intensely private person about her personal life). But as a parting gift to Nancy on the ride back to the bus stop (she always insisted that she get to and from her jobs on her own, by bus, despite long standing offers to pick her up and take her home ourselves), she announced that she wanted us to know how old she was.

"I was born on March 1, 1914." She has retired at 98 (which effectively makes me a slacker).  Here's a shot of Elizabeth with Nancy, taken last year.

Nancy and I hope to finally get our jaws off the floor sometime before the end of the month. We had no idea.

Emerging from the Cocoon

As Etta James would say, "At laaaaaaast!" After a fortnight of carousing with family from earlier and later generations, I'm finally about to become the victim of new experiences. That would be not having to get up on a weekday when I am in my own bed (specifically, the one in Grosse Pointe), having to check my (new) Franklin Planner to see what day it is, taking all the time I need to provide rude sales clerks a few tips on customer service, and reading for fun while in a sitting position, to name a few. I'm sure there is a plethora of other thrills in store for me that I cannot imagine. What a swell state of affairs for a guy who delights in retreating to the past and doing favorite things again and again. So let the adventure begin.

The aim of this blog will be to mark the journey and to reach out to friends for what solace and support might be offered. I expect there will be posts with recurring themes, like New Things I've Learned, Old Things I'm About to Forget, Blasts from the Past, My View of How the World Works, and the like. Hopefully pithy, and inoffensive. As such, I will avoid things like religion, politics and intra-state sports rivalries, and focus on the more important things in life, like fun, humor and friends. There may also be a little low-brow verse involved. Perhaps something like,

As he arose on July 31,
Charles wondered just what he had done.
“My Franklin is bare,
Not a task anywhere!
OMG – nothing left but the fun!”

Anyway, you get the idea.  Frequency of posts will vary, as the schedule commands, but hopefully I’ll hit a comfortable groove.

Talk to you soon.