The Art of the Dawdle

In our culture, dawdling is generally regarded as a bad thing. A waste of time, or as defined by the Free On-line Dictionary, "to spend time idly, to move lackadaisically, or to take more time than necessary". I submit that this is a somewhat narrow view. While I concede that in certain environments dawdling is not recommended (performing a critical business task, crossing a busy traffic intersection, moving through airport security), I also believe that the quality of life can be enriched through dawdling. So I offer the following in defense of this disrespected and misunderstood activity.

Dawdling is most often a term an observer applies to the behavior of another. Moreover, the term is usually used when the observer wishes that the observee were doing something else, something important to the observer. So perspective is important here.

For the most part, I believe dawdling is an unplanned event. People normally don't start out the day scheduling time for dawdling (although for advanced dawdlers - like myself - this can occur). Rather, people just find themselves in situations they aren't quite ready to leave, so they stay there. Not malicious. Not intended as an avoidance of some unpleasant task. Just....fortunate. The trick is to create an environment where the dawdling doesn't evoke a hostile response. So while dawdling itself has a spontaneous nature, successful dawdling requires a little planning.
 
A good dawdling plan has three parts. Part 1 is to identify those times when dawdling of any kind would have a negative impact on your well-being. This mostly involves situations that could be interpreted as blowing off the boss or failing to respond properly (and promptly) to the voice and/or needs of your spouse. Part 2 is to take steps to avoid these situations.

My suggestion for meeting these challenges is to introduce a little structure into the equation. On a regular basis (for me, weekly) review all expectations placed on you by others, especially family members, and set aside time to either meet them or gracefully wiggle out of them. Then stick to the plan. (For long-term well-being, I suggest you opt for the "meet" option more often than not.) All the time remaining after your expectations-driven tasks represents your dawdling potential. (And one caution - if you find yourself consistently facing more expectations than you would like, you need to take a look at the manner in which you are taking on expectations and consider making some changes. But that is an issue for a future post.)

Once you have eliminated (or at least reduced) the potential for negative consequences from dawdling, you are ready for Part 3 of the plan - creating a good dawdling location. Without an area that you can go to and "tune-out", you will find yourself sucked into the pitfall of using your new found gifts of time to work on practical tasks that look and feel a lot like the expectations you so cleverly dispatched in Part 2 of your plan. If you're serious about dawdling, these self-generated expectations really need to be treated and managed just like those placed on you by others.
 
A good dawdling location is relatively free from intrusion, physically and mentally comfortable, and within close proximity to your favorite toys. Within reach without getting up is best. The low intrusion component is critical to turning your default "what's next on my list" mental focus to one of "wow, look at all this cool stuff". And the nearness of the cool stuff allows you to act on the impulse before your brain can reset. We're talking here about a critical few seconds during which an escape to true dawdling can occur.

Once you're in, you can stay there with little effort for hours, until the painful but inevitable closure of the window by the outside world. And when the window does close, accept it willingly and reengage. You don't want to run afoul of an unforeseen expectation that may lead to nasty consequences. Just take comfort in knowing that your well-crafted plan is already working to create your next dawdling opportunity.

I have the good fortune of having a variety of excellent dawdling spots both in my home in Grosse Pointe and at our family cottage in Greenbush. At home there is the barrel chair in the living room next to the fire, where this post is unfolding. There is also my man-cave cockpit where I can sit surrounded by hundreds of favorite possessions (music, movies, books, old photos, games, puzzles) as well as an array of electronic devices that allow me to enjoy them.

At the cottage there is the rocker area of the family room with a great view of the lake and its own generous sampling of media offerings. And in warmer months, the gazebo has been a delightful dawdling spot. The important thing is to have at least one such location where you can be alone with access to whatever sets your mind free and makes you happy.

But enough of the mechanics of dawdling. Let's move on to its benefits. Number one in my book is just mental health. In our frenetic world it is not easy to step off the treadmill. We often find the pace at which we are required to move at work to meet expectations bleeds over to our private lives. That coupled with the complex responsibilities of family life (maintaining the household, after-school activities, elderly care) can at times make life seem overwhelming. My suggestion for taking back a little time for yourself is to work on that dawdling plan.

Another benefit is that dawdling can be great fun. Actually, I would say that dawdling done right is one of the most fun things you can do. You can sit and veg, explore interests that never seem to make your daily task list, re-experience a book or movie that you really liked (one of my favorites), solve a problem that nobody but you cares about (like getting all your Star Trek videos in star date order), or just sit and stare out the window (or another one of my favorites, sit in an Adirondack at the water's edge with an appropriate libation and contemplate just how long those waves have been lapping at the shore).
 
The important thing is that however you choose to dawdle, you have to do it without creating any stressful expectations for yourself. Just let yourself go and enjoy the freedom. It's good for you. Because while you are floating through your dawdle, using your imagination and memories and curiosity, the coping capacities of your psyche and your body are recharging. All on their own. All you have to do is give them some time off.

A third benefit of dawdling done right is that you will be more fun for others. The good feelings and renewal that you have provided for yourself through effective dawdling will show, and you will be more respectful of efforts on the part of others to do the same thing. Maybe even revising your expectations of them. You might even feel so good about your dawdling successes, that you start encouraging others (like through a blog post?)

A few other observations on dawdling. It can lead to fewer total things in your life that you enjoy more. Something to think about. The best vacations may be those to places where you can get in a good dawdle. Disney resorts are that for me. Despite the theme parks and other attractions, I generally spend at least half of my Disney time in the vacation home out on the veranda in a heavy dawdle. Also, it's good to teach kids to dawdle. In the busy world that is school these days, with record homework loads, sports, music, and the ceaseless world of social media, most kids would do well to learn proper dawdling.
 
And finally, dawdling can help you lose the guilt of not spending every waking hour on productive activity. If you have worked your dawdling plan correctly by screening the expectations you truly want to accept and meet, and then addressing those expectations as planned, you can make your jump to dawdling speed with a clear conscience.

One post-script is in order. You may think that this is an easy philosophy for an old retired dude to embrace, and you'd be right. My dawdling ship sort of came in on July 1, 2012. But my belief in dawdling is not new. I have lived the dawdling plan approach for most of my adult life. (As an adolescent and teenager I had no clue and spent much of my life in the dog house due to imprudent dawdling). I attribute much of my success at work, such as it was, to my dedication to regular and focused dawdling in between the stampedes that work life often became. And as I sit here in all of my retirement glory, I do so sincerely believing that I owe my safe arrival to the "another day in paradise" portion of my life to having mastered the art of dawdling.

As always, comments welcome.

And for the true of heart, a couple more offerings from the Lunch Poetry archives.

This first item is from April of 1997 and is set to the tune of Take Me Out to the Ball Game.  The Mac reference in Line 2, of course, refers to the Patrick V. McNamara Building that housed our offices.  I call this

The Old Bell Game

 

Take, me out to the Bell, gang,

Take, me out of the Mac.

Buy me some freedom from all this flack,

I don't think we should even come back!

 

So let's sign, for leave, and go home, team,

Or maybe out to the links?

Let's do three, six, nine holes of golf

And a few, cold, drinks!

 

This second item was written in May of 1997, set to the rhyme of the Itsy Bitsy Spider and poking a little fun at what I had considered to be a slight break down in service during a previous lunch outing.  I call it

 

The Itsy Bitsy Taco.

 

"This itsy, bitsy taco,

It's empty!" I did shout.

"No meat, no beans, no cheese," they said.

"We're sorry; we're all out."

 

Out came the manager,

Who barked, "What's wrong with plain?"

Despite that itsy taco,

I'm up.  Let's go again!

 

Until next time.

Disney

It's time I came clean about Burk family Disney activities.  You could call it an obsession.  I prefer to think of it as....a minor eccentricity?  First, some statistics.

Number of Burk family stays at a Disney resort - 58.

Number of days involved in the 58 stays - 259.

Number of days at least one Burk family member has visited a Disney theme park - 66.

Number of times I have been on Space Mountain - 0.  (Okay, that one's not so impressive.  So I'm a roller coaster wimp.  But my kids love them.)

You get the idea.  We like Disney.  The roots of this love affair come from several sources. There was the old Mickey Mouse Club when Nancy and I were kids, as well as the Walt Disney show on Sunday nights.  There was the long line of Disney animated films that crept into our lives and then those of our kids, first in theaters and later in videos, Laserdisks, DVDs and now Blu-ray (most of which are still within a few feet of where this post is unfolding).  With cable TV came the Disney channel.  And there was the family of stuffed animals that somehow made its way into our girls' rooms over the years, as well as a few other spots in our house.

Now, I realize Disney isn't for everyone.  You have to have a high tolerance for your fellow man, especially the little people.  It can be crowded.  It can be expensive.  People who have less consideration for others than you do (read - no consideration at all) are all over the place.  And there is a lot of walking involved.  But, it is also unique and very well managed.  The detail and quality with which attractions and rides are designed and presented is always impressive.  The performers at the many live shows are top-drawer.  And the variety of things to do seems endless.  So if you do a little planning, can outflank the crowds (and a fleet of strollers), and have any interest at all in people watching, it can be a great experience.  Anyway, that has been our family approach for years now, and it never seems to get old for us. 

But back to Memory Lane.  Our first visit to Walt Disney World, or WDW as it is commonly known, was in April of 1991.  We were neophytes.  We knew nothing.  We stopped by for a couple of days during a two-week Easter trip to Florida.  We stayed "off-World" as the Disney folks call it, which required us to drive a few miles to WDW and wait in line to pay for parking.  On the first day we even stopped at a sit-down restaurant for breakfast.  So we didn't actually arrive at our first theme park until a little before noon.  That's just nuts. 

But we had fun, exploring MGM Studios (now known as Hollywood Studios) and then the Magic Kingdom for the better part of two days.  It was sort of an introductory tour, learning where things were, when lines were long or short (they're mostly long, but with a little cunning you can outwit most of the other 40,000 people visiting the park on any given day), and what attractions lived up to their pre-visit hype and which really didn't.  We did go late into the night both days and went away somewhat awestruck and much more respectful of the challenge that is getting your money's worth out of a theme park.  This picture is the first one ever taken of the Burk family at WDW, specifically in the "Honey I Shrunk the Kids" playscape at MGM.  I think the family is sitting on a giant ant.

 

This next shot was taken just after boarding the WDW Railroad which circumnavigates the Magic Kingdom.  Christy is still a little distraught over discovering the "jam-up" geek, a theoretical person whom she blamed for causing the traffic delays at the motor entrance to the park (remember, we were staying off-world). 

 

Here we have a shot of the girls part-way through the day, hanging in the vicinity of Cinderella's castle.  Christy remains deep in thought about ways to avoid jam-up geek problems in the future.

 

This is one of my all-time favorite shots of the girls, lost in the ecstasy of the Teacups in Fantasyland.

 

 

And a final shot of the girls (big and small) at the end of our first trip, barely hanging on waiting for the electric light parade to end the evening.  As you can see, Cathy is snuggled up in Dad's jacket (while Dad is out of the frame doing jumping jacks to keep warm).  

 

 

This is a shot of the kids, recovering in the van (our first) the following day as we head on to our next adventure.  This scene was to be repeated countless times as the family vanned over a fair amount of the country through the mid-late 90s.

 

   

This first WDW visit was certainly memorable, but the "big bang" of our relationship with Disney occurred with our second visit in 1994.  Wow.  We had reworked and analyzed all the mistakes we had made the first time around, and came with a plan.  We spent five nights at the Polynesian Resort on the Seven Seas Lagoon and four solid days attacking the then three major theme parks, from opening at 8:00 each morning until midnight each evening, determined to see every attraction at least once.  Of course, we didn't quite make it to everything, but that visit still holds the record after all these years for the most activity during a Burk family WDW vacation.  Here are some highlights.

This first shot caught a few of us on the carousel.  Notice the tight grip Ted has, no doubt fearing that at any moment his noble steed may saunter off the platform and over the country side, a la Mary Poppins.

 

On a more regal note, here are the Burk princesses sitting on their matching thrones in the grand lobby of the Polynesian (with big brother in the background straightening his Dino Ciccarelli jersey after a hard day at the parks).

 

The most popular ride at WDW at that time (according to local lore) was Dumbo.  I came to believe it as whenever we cruised by Dumbo on our way from Tomorrowland to Fantasyland the lines were enormous.  Finally we decided to bite the bullet and tough out the wait to see what all the fuss was about.  Here is a shot of a few of us finally soaring on an elephant.  As you can see, Cathy and I were thrilled.  As for Ted, well, once you've ridden one elephant......

 

On the other side of the Magic Kingdom, in Frontierland, is Splash Mountain.  This water ride winds through the Brer Patch and ends with a 50 foot 45 degree slide into a pool - ergo the splash.  Many come off this ride a bit damp.  Some, soaked.  Like the three proud Burk kids below.

 

Another of our favorites is the Grand Prix cars.  Here are a shot of Ted (a precurser to his later days navigating a Jeep Wrangler through the streets of Dallas) and the girls, walking down the exit ramp looking for another turn to duel their way around the course.

 

And finally, there are the character meals, always crowd pleasers.  Here are a few shots from a breakfast with Chip and Goofy.  The first is me with the kids waiting for our seating (Ted was especially excited).  The second is of the girls with Chip (although I think his nose is really supposed to be black?)

 



Of course, the highlight of the trip was Goofy posing with, well....Goofy.



 

And a closing shot of Christy giving up that old Alfred E. Neuman "What - me worry?" look, after Goofy (the one with the hat) muckled in her milk, crushed her cereal box and dropped it into her bowl.

 



So this ends our first look into the Burk Disney history.  As noted by the statistics above, there have been a lot of great Disney times over the years that I will try to cover in future posts - family reunions, trips with my parents to the Vero Beach and Hilton Head Disney resorts, a cruise, spring break trips with close friends and/or a gaggle of college kids in tow, and more. 

 

Actually, next week Nancy and I are flying to Florida and heading over to Disney's Vero Beach resort for a few days with my parents.  That will be our 59th visit to a Disney property :-)

But for now, M-I-C - see you real soon, K-E-Y - why, because we (I) like you!  M-O-U-S-E.