Father of the Bride Part 1 - Who's That Girl?

Ah, where to begin. The story of "the Bride" is, of course, very recent and fresh in everyone's mind. But the "Father of" part goes way back, seemingly forever. Like all dad's, I really don't remember ever being without the constant joys of fatherhood. I've seen pictures of some guy, years ago, always smiling, hair sometimes down to his shoulders, mustachioed, carefree and a bit whimsical. I'm told it's me, but I have a hard time buying that. What do you think?

Then came fatherhood. First, Ted (always a snappy dresser).

Then Christine (an angel from day one).

And finally, Cathy (our bride in the making). We knew she was going to be a challenge from the get-go.

Fatherhood is very rewarding, of course, but not exactly a cake walk. Over time, I'm afraid it has left its mark on me. First, there was the wardrobe thing. You really can't wear a tie with a Goofy tee shirt.

This was followed by a change in leisure time activities. Here I am monitoring the work of my two-ton air pump, prepping for the kids' fun at the lake.

Then, my travel habits suffered a radical make over, introducing me to the exciting world of bungy cords. It's telling that even with a full-size conversion van I had to strap a few items to the roof.

Eventually, through extended exposure, I lost my sense of balance (even while sitting).

And finally, the ability to solve even the most basic of fatherly problems seem to just...fade away.

However, with time, therapy (much of it liquid), and hours of rehab in my lab (thanks to retirement), I've made sufficient recovery to fulfill my primary role of dedicated spouse and, when dignity demands, take on special duties like - Father of the Bride. And one of those duties I feel is to provide a little insight into how Cathy became the person she is. Let's take a look at the evidence.

I call this revealing photo "cute as a button". She learned early on what a camera was and how to use it to her advantage. We found over the years that she could summon up this smile whenever she needed it.

Like here, turning misbehavior into charm, and cleverly documenting the hazards of DLS (dad-level supervision) for posterity. I've always suspected that the photographer (a mom, no doubt) put her up to it. 

From an early age she had a knack for space management, meaning she managed to put as much into her immediate space as she could, preserving options. Who knew what a girl might need next? Better to be prepared. Here she is demonstrating this skill at age one in her bedroom.

This picture also illustrates another dimension of her space management skills - before she could walk she managed to climb the rails and escape her nap space. Note that the mattress in her crib is only a foot or so off the floor. I was able to drill holes in the frame to remount the spring and mattress somewhat lower than recommended by the manufacturer, effectively converting the crib into a stylish but effective "kid-cage". On a positive note, this was one of my few successful episodes with power tools.

Here's a pre-school Cathy at the then family cottage on Ipperwash Beach in early '87, dressed for a walk in one of her first pairs of cross-trainers. Though Wiser Times is now the family cottage, beloved, and full of its own memories, Ipperwash is where Cathy, her siblings, and her mother first learned to love the beach and the cottage life. Ipperwash, and especially Avon Rae cottage, will always have a fond place in her heart. I suspect it is also at the root of her love of leisure activities and the high value she places on vacations and spending time with her extended family.

Not that Cathy only saw the fun parts of life. She has always had an industrious side, as depicted by this photo which I call "I want homework, too!" Here she is still in '87, in an attempt to keep up with big sister Christy (who actually had homework) drawing with crayons on re-purposed computer printer paper (you know, the early stuff, about the size of a flat-screen TV with those little tractor-feed holes on the side; this particular batch was surreptitiously procured from waste bins at the IRS).

Her curiosity bled over into domestic skills as well, especially cooking. This interest has blossomed in her post-college years as she is becoming, like her mother and grandmother before her, quite deft in the kitchen. Here's an early shot of her picking just the right pan for a peanut butter and jelly souffle.

And as you can see from this more recent photo, she hasn't lost the knack of employing just the right equipment for every cooking challenge.

Of course, a strong sense of adventure and curiosity can lead one to overplay her hand. Here's our Cathy in late '88 attempting to set a new land speed record for trikes in a driveway. However, the result was not accepted as official due to the unauthorized weather conditions.

And a totally unbridled sense of adventure and curiosity can really backfire. The picture below, while appearing to be a little angel posing for the lens, is actually a mug shot. The little angel was serving a time-out sentence on the stairs at Ferry Elementary School for talking, running around and actually trying to join in the performance during her big sister's Christmas concert. Remember what I said about that smile?

Another component of Cathy's personality is her love of sports, both as a participant and a fan. In her early days as a neighborhood soccer player, we cringed through several seasons, watching her play goalie with the same fingers that were training on the cello. And although she had a couple of close calls with hairline fractures, she managed to survive the experience with no appreciable impact on her musician-hood.

As a fan, she has always loved the Red Wings and the Tigers, and for a brief period when the Pistons were at the top of the league, she followed them, too. Here's a shot of her using her dad's "Bad Boys" tee as a beach cover-up during the exciting '89-'90 post-season.

Her fan-dom hit its stride with her college days at U of M. I don't think she missed many football or hockey games during her five-year tenure. And as I will explain in my next post, Cathy's dedication to U of M sports had a lot to do with her and Matt - her groom - getting together.

She has also over the years maintained her interest in playing sports. She had a skiing period but has now moved on to snow boarding (I'm told that one should not do both at the same time), and has a budding interest in golf. Here's a fairly recent shot of Cathy at the range in Greenbush, practicing her stance (it's important to look good on the golf course). At present, this is the best part of her game. But once she actually starts swinging at the ball, I'm confident progress will be steady.

As we moved into the 90s, Cathy continued to grow and engage the joys of childhood with her own brand of flair. Here she is demonstrating her prowess with a hammock,

and here guiding her snow saucer down a local sledding hill (Balduck Park, for the locals).  

She also began to grow her reputation as a party girl. Here she is in a fancy dress enjoying an appropriate libation at Ferry School's annual "Breakfast with Santa" gathering. 

In this classic shot, she demonstrates cool beyond her years at a summer happy hour at the cottage,

And in this pic, she is tripping the light fantastic with Grandpa Rae (a well-known local hoofer).

A couple of other personality traits also emerged during this period. One was Cathy's love of animals. Here she is with our Brittany puppy Copper who was every bit as cute as Cathy herself. 

Her interest in music also took root in the mid-90s. Here she is at her first school concert as a budding cellist, an instrument she continued to study both privately and through school orchestras through her college days. 

  

And I don't want to forget her drive for dependability. She learned early in life that one of the keys to success in any endeavor is showing up. Demonstrating that principle is this shot of Cathy receiving one of her many achievement awards.

On a stylish note, Cathy has always had a flair for the latest fashions. Here's a shot of her and big sister Christy modeling their raw chic-ness with the "pillow-head" look. Though creative, this look was just too far ahead of its time and never really caught on. 

The girls' penchant for sartorial splendor was fed for years by what was known as "the dress-up box", a footlocker in our basement playroom that was filled with old dresses, hats, shoes and jewelry from earlier times (with many items from previous generations). The dress-up box was, hands-down, the favorite toy in the house when girlfriends were visiting, which was often. And as you can see from this next photo from a 2008 Halloween party in Ann Arbor, they've still got it.

Flanking Cathy in this photo are four members of what I consider her extended family - from left to right Karen and Laura Yocky, Cathy, sister Christy, and Taryn Dyle. These girls in various combinations spent many, many vacations and family weekends together over the years. This photo captures a lot of history.

And keeping with the theme of extended family, Cathy has always nurtured those relationships through family vacations, weekends with friends, time at the cottage and other traditions like the annual Burk family picnic. Here are a few examples. This first one is of Cathy with Christy and Canadian cousin Heather in a scene I call  "parallel play".

Note that the girls are way ahead of their time as they are engaged together assembling a jigsaw puzzle while each is listening to her own personal music device (low tech by today's standards - Walkmen - but pretty hip in '91 ).

Here we have Cathy with Christy, cousin Matt (in red) and brother Ted in an Avon Rae pic from '94 enjoying a match of that summer's favorite game, chess, on the cottage coffee table (which now fulfills a similar role at Wiser Times).

This was a scene repeated hundreds of times over the years. The games varied - chess, all sorts of cards, Sorry, the Game of Life, Pigmania, Monopoly and others - all had their moments. But the kids' desire to engage each other and spend this time together remained constant.  

This next pic is another scene that occurs on a pretty regular basis - Cathy with a group of her oldest friends assembled for a Burk family picnic, this one from 2011. From left to right we have Dawn, Laura, Jenna, Sara, Cathy and Ken (who cemented his inclusion in the group many years ago not only through his charm, but also by being the first to have a drivers license - shrewd).

Let me close with a couple of shots that in my view sum up Cathy's life as a sister. This first one shows the three kids demonstrating their solidarity during a family trip to the Wisconsin Dells. I call this one "Shades".

These kids hardly ever fought when they were together, despite the disparity in their ages (a span of nine years). I've come to believe this was due to the respect they felt for each other as individuals, and the sense of fairness that respect breeds. Certainly they argued, about who got to sit when on the van bench, what movie should they watch next, whose turn was it to choose the next fast food meal restaurant - all the big kid stuff. But they almost always worked things out on their own, treating each other as equals, developing plans and agreements that met with everyone's approval. And though the youngest, Cathy was always a full player in the dialog. For her as well as Christy and Ted, this sense of fairness still seems to be a life ground rule. I see it all the time in their considerations and decisions.

And finally this photo - one of my very favorites. I've carried this picture in my day planner for nearly 20 years. I call this "happy kids". Here are the two girls, spinning in a teacup in the Magic Kingdom during one of our early trips to Disney World, living in the moment, not a care in the world. When I want to remember how good life can be, I just spend a few moments looking at this picture. And start planning my next ride in the teacup.

So there you have it. A brief but hopefully informative glimpse into the bride's personality and some of the forces that have shaped it. And from what I have seen so far, the groom seems to be pretty much cut from the same cloth. But more about that in my next post, Father of the Bride 2 - The Wedding.

Until then, may you all get to spend a little time in your own teacups.

Grosse Pointe Charles.

Toys

For the last several years, in an attempt to ease the challenge of Christmas shopping for family members spread across the country, we have had a Burk tradition of exchanging wish lists. Some of the items that show up on these lists are practical, like desired clothing items, household gadgets and the occasional tool. But the best stuff that makes the lists are - you guessed it - toys. So in anticipation of the coming holiday, I thought it would be fun to conduct a brief exploration of the phenomenon of toys.

Now, just what constitutes a toy is tricky. The Encarta on-line dictionary's first definition for toy is "something meant to be played with, especially by children". This is only the fourth definition listed for the noun toy in my trusty Webster's New Twentieth Century Unabridged Dictionary, but it's still the one that works for me, with a minor modification. I would say that a toy is "something meant to be played with, especially by people who like to feel like children". So let's go with that.

As you have no doubt gleaned from earlier posts, I place a high value on entertaining myself. I have been afflicted with this character flaw as long as I can remember. But after a few years of minimally acceptable attempts to correct the situation, I humbly but gracefully accepted my fate (I think I was twelve at the time). I have since concentrated my energies on turning this curse into a positive, trying to perfect my methods and to infect as many people as possible. What I've learned is that self-entertainment is largely about toys. Toys can take you back to simpler times, tuck your adult self out of sight for awhile, and lead you into a child-like state of pure and unencumbered enjoyment. If you use them correctly, toys can make time and the rest of the world sort of melt away.

I have many fond memories of favorite toys through my childhood. As life was more reserved in the 50s, and children less doted upon, new toys were generally reserved for birthdays and Christmas. So most of my memories of new toys involve dropping hints to my parents, waiting with over-the-top kid anxiety for those magic days to arrive, then exploding with joy upon receipt of the new toys. I'm getting a little flushed just thinking about all this.

The toy I always think of first whenever I dig into these memories is an airplane I received for my birthday when I was around seven or eight (can't remember exactly, and this was a bit before my day planner habits so I have no written record). I'm not sure why this airplane is so deeply etched in my memory, but it is. It wasn't something that I had asked for, that I recall. And it wasn't wrapped. It was tucked under a blanket on my bed. My mother led me to my bedroom when I returned from school that day and had me pull back the blanket. I was blown away. I remember that the airplane was huge, by kid standards anyway (it seemed to me to be at least a yard long, but since at the time I was only a little more than a yard long, it was likely only a foot or so). It had the look of a commercial airliner. It was metal, shiny, had four propellers that actually spun and landing gear so you could push it along the floor for a proper take off. It was awesome.

I had several other favorite toys as a kid. There was the AM radio (the size of a car battery) on which I first listened to the Tigers and to Michigan football (yes, this green-blooded Spartan started out as a Maize and Blue fan; it was a Bay City thing). There was my first trike, and my first two-wheeler, a chemistry set, an erector set, a miniature Chevy station wagon with spring-loaded wheels, two big steel Tonka trucks (rulers of the sand box), and my first record player (wheeled out of my parents' bedroom as the final gift to my siblings and me one Christmas). I not only remember each of these items vividly, I can still feel what it was like to get them. Such is the magic of favorite toys.

As I reflect on my childhood, I have to admit that I have no idea what happened to any of my toys. I'm guessing that as I grew older and lost interest in old things, they were given away or trashed. Somewhere along the line, perhaps when I had children of my own, my fascination with old things asserted itself. Another example of my pattern of blooming late.

Nancy, on the other hand, still has many of her favorite childhood toys, some of which are proudly displayed in The Museum - the top shelf of our basement play area, reserved exclusively for special toys from the past. Among these are a toy cash register, an actual jack-in-the-box, a toy iron, and Nancy's first ever record player, dubbed by her father Rae as her "lo-fi". It sits proudly in The Museum next to our kids' first "lo-fi" and their first portable tape player, all thought to be fairly hi-tech in their day.

Our long-term storage area contains a few other gems from my Bride's past. There is Patty Play-Pal, a doll that is about as big as Nancy was when she received it. Patty lies wrapped in a blanket on a shelf under the gas meter, fully dressed, patiently waiting for her next play date. She looks so real that every time I come across her while fussing in the storage area I worry that Patty's going to complain about her accommodations or offer me tea or something. Creepy. Also in long-term storage is Nancy's miniature steel washing machine (that actually works by way of a hand crank), a miniature floor sweeper and a toy ironing board (perhaps there is something to the gender bias argument regarding children's toys).

But most precious among all the heirlooms lurking in the time capsule that is my furnace room is Nancy's Buick, her pride and joy. The Buick is a steel pedal car in which my Bride cruised her neighborhood in her early years, never straying off her block of course, but keeping tabs on all important kid goings-on. Below is a picture of our daughter Cathy trying out the Buick in our driveway some years ago, carrying on the tradition. My guess is that in the not too distant future, grandchildren Leili and Cyrus may take their turns in this rarest of conveyances.

But back to my late blooming. While I have virtually no toys from my childhood, I have almost every toy I have ever owned as an adult. This is partly due to the fact that I'm fairly adept at managing storage space, and partly due to my belief that the longer you keep something and use it, the wiser your initial investment was. But mostly, my habit of keeping toys is fueled by the fact that I just like them. I like keeping them in good shape, using them, and remembering the good times I have had with them. Even when one of these old toys finally gives up the ghost, it has a reasonable chance of finding a spot in The Museum and spending its twilight years as decor.

My oldest toys still in use are sports equipment. I still have baseball gloves, balls and bats from the 70s. My bowling ball doesn't get a lot of use these days, but it has about 30 years of experience. I have tennis rackets from the 80s, all of which remain in good shape. I have one wooden racket from the 40s that was my father's. I had it restrung in the 70s and still keep it in its original press. It works just fine but is of the old design, prior to the over-sized rackets of recent years, so it gets very little play.

The Burk family also has a decent collection of board games and jigsaw puzzles, many of which are 25-30 years old. At the cottage we have several older games and puzzles, 30-40 years old and more, that were previously in service at the former family cottage in Ontario. One game in particular, The Game of Life, has seen fairly steady use across the years.

Being a lover of music and movies, many of my favorite toys in adulthood have been electronic. I will admit that the equipment I procured and used in my late teens and twenties has for the most part past out of existence. You can't really get replacement tubes anymore, and that clacking in the middle of 8-track playback is something nobody misses. But still in use are a number of items dating from the 80s and early 90s. This includes receivers, cassette decks, turntables, VCRs and that fascinating but ill-fated piece of magic called a laser disk player (I still have three). You can't help but smile when you slide what looks like a silver 12" CD out of it's sleeve and, with two hands, slip it into a player tray the size of a serving platter. Now that's what I'm talking about. And thanks to the Internet and the endless evolution of technology, older media formats are cheap and still available.

Complementing the old electronic toys are a reasonable number of newer devices, just to keep my hand in. Both the house in GPW and Wiser Times have hi-def TVs, Blu-Ray players and digital music capability. And NetFlix has been known to make periodic appearances. We've also installed two IP cams at Wiser Times, one in the front (lakeside) to monitor the beach and another in the rear (roadside) to monitor snow in the drive. It's kind of fun to access the cameras from home or Florida and see how things are doing. I've also been playing with a digital turntable, slowly adding my vinyl collection to my iTunes library.

But not all my time is spent watching movies and listening to music. I count my modest library of books among my toys (though my reading time doesn't quite measure up to several of my friends who qualify as serious readers), and I have a number of other favorite toys with which I commune on a regular basis. I have a pretty nifty scanner with which I am digitizing the extensive library of family photos and slides. I have a 6' pool table that I use on just about a daily basis. I try not to walk by it without shooting a rack or two. I have a couple of electronic chess boards that I love to use, and even occasionally beat. And with retirement, Nancy and I bought ourselves new bikes (retro styling, of course) and have renewed our interest in golf, both playing and watching. This summer we played more rounds and followed more pro tournaments than we ever have, and enjoyed both activities immensely. We even have a flag stick for chipping and a small but challenging putting green installed in our back yard.

Another favorite toy that has been gathering dust most of its life, and upon reflection is definitely my second-oldest possession after my Teddy bear (I received it when I was seven) is my Scandalli - a 120 base, imported-directly-from-Italy, piano accordion. Here's a picture of me toting this baby around in my accordion marching band uniform (a story for another time).

Yes, it's really a musical instrument, but still clearly falls under my self-serving definition of a toy. I took accordion lessons for 12 years as a kid but, sadly, have freed my poor Scandalli from it's velour-lined case only sparingly over the last 50 years. I did with the best of intentions reacquaint myself with its charm and versatility shortly after I retired, planning to make playing music part of my new weekly routine. I was struck by how good the accordion still sounds even after all these years (being a reed instrument, it never goes out of tune). However, after that brief encounter last year other interests overwhelmed my desire to return to the lofty status of musician, and I made little progress. Ever the optimist, I hope to do better in the new year. Wish me luck.

One other category of toy bears mention in this discussion. That would be the basket of chew toys and plastic bones that reside under the silver cabinet in our family room. Our dog Kody inventories, plays with and distributes these treasures around the family room constantly (well, constantly between naps). He likes them all, but his favorite is a big, red, gnarly, soft-sided football that he presents for games of fetch each evening during what otherwise would be happy hour. Here's a shot of the Kode-Man in action.

It's great fun to watch a 45 pound dog go slipping and sliding across a linoleum floor trying to get his mouth around a tumbling oblate spheroid. Kody's toys also serve as sort of a data capture system for tracking unauthorized pet movement, as they often mysteriously show up in other rooms of the house generally off-limits to canines. Catching him in the act is the trick.

Well, there is much more that could be said about the joyous world of toys and their welcome influence on behavior, but I need to work on my own Christmas wish list, due out to the rest of the family by Monday. Any suggestions?

I'd be most interested in your stories of favorite toys, and sincerely hope that everyone receives at least one cool toy this holiday season.

Until next time - Grosse Pointe Charles

Notes from the Lab RDate 15.31

N and I just completed an eleven day trip south, including a few days hanging out at Disney's Vero Beach resort. During the trip, I completed a review of some of my early posts, performing a little cleanup and looking for loose ends. Here are a few updates.

Emerging from the Cocoon (7/17/12) - In my initial post, I noted that in retirement I would likely be in for new experiences. Although much of my time so far has been spent on old pursuits, I was right about the new stuff. Here are a few examples (yes, there is sort of a theme):

• Arthritis in my fingers, mostly in the morning. Seems to fade after coffee. If only all ailments had this characteristic.
• An annual pneumonia shot along with my flu shot.
• A larger storage area for medications.
• Gastroenterology.
• Figuring out my Medicare statements (more accurately, watching Nancy trying to figure out my Medicare statements).

Okay, here are a few non-medical new experiences.

• Sitting on the deck at Wiser Times communing with hummingbird moths, so named because of their ability to hover and fly backwards like a hummingbird. They can perform these feats because their wings vibrate rapidly (and actually buzz) just like those of a hummingbird. They are very friendly and tame, and they love the phlox that grows wild around the deck railing. I don't remember seeing them before this year, but they were around just about everyday in August and September. Here's a shot of one of the two different types that we have seen this year.

• A big-honkin' oversized driver (bought it with some of my retirement gift money). Can't believe I didn't get one of these things earlier. Most of my good shots are now hit with this club. I'm having it share a section in my golf bag with my wedge and chipper, hoping some of the "goodness" will rub off.
• Appreciating new music that I already own. Through having the time to screen hundreds of CDs and old vinyl albums for uploading to my iTunes library, I've discovered dozens of wonderful tunes that I had previously skipped over (or possibly have forgotten) in favor of the more popular and well-known "A-cuts". I've just about completed the loading of CDs but have a couple of hundred more vinyl LPs to review, so I expect this good fortune to continue.
• Downloading music from iTunes or Amazon, which I had never done before I retired. Now when I come up with a song I want and don't own, I search for it, find it, click on download, and it almost instantly shows up in my iTunes library. Magic. And sometime in the next month or so a 99 cent charge shows up in my credit card statement (or in my case which mostly involves old music, a 79 cent charge). I can even afford this new hobby on my reduced, "board-approved" retirement allowance.
• Bingo. True, I had actually played bingo at Tippecanoe Park (my parents' retirement community in Florida) before I retired. Then I was more just spending time with my parents than engaging in the competition. But now, it's different. We arrange our Florida visit schedules to make sure we hit at least one bingo night (Friday) each trip. I pay attention to the little nuances like "four corners", double bingo, wild-card numbers, and the dreaded phrase "that's a good bingo", signifying that some other senior, a more-experienced bingo-shark, has won, likely with a doctored contraband card, again depriving me of victory. Depressing, as I could use the money. Oh, but the thrill of the call....I-19, G-59, O-75...you just have to be there.

Well enough of this. You get the idea.   

Elizabeth (7/21/12) - Our former cleaning lady is still going strong at 99. She phoned a little earlier this month to catch up and congratulate us on Cathy's upcoming marriage. She remains an inspiration.

Chores (7/29/12) - Things have been going pretty well, especially during the late fall and winter months when the grass doesn't actually grow. Easing things a bit, and of great surprise to me, is the fact that I've been able to convince a few friends that raking leaves and pulling weeds out of the beach are really fun social activities that shouldn't be missed. And the deep cleaning hasn't been too bad either, since most of it has been under close supervision with frequent safety briefings. Also, the warden my Bride allows the inmates workers to use their iPods during cleaning tasks.    

Music Night (8/6/12) - Our longstanding music group has continued its tradition, having completed our 110th collection this month - Illusions. We're also cued up to create 111 - Gambling - this December, with no slow down in site. The frequent evenings filled with music and close friends is still a big part of the cycle of my life, and a signal that things are normal, and well. As is our way, we continue to add new members including a couple more from the next generation. And the new blood continues to expand our musical horizons.

Up North (8/15/12) - My current Up North - Wiser Times - has seen an increase in activity since I retired (duh). Lots of company this year, a new kayak, upgraded electronics, new glider cushions and most impressively a new sign at the road. This beauty was my family's retirement gift to me. Thanks are owed to my good friend (and all-round handy man) Dave Dyle for helping with the final mounting. What do you think? 

This addition is the complement to our beach-side sign crafted by our Tennessee friend Miguel Rodriguez a couple of years ago from a select piece of driftwood - very beachy. Note the font. It was fashioned by Miguel (from a well-known whiskey bottle label) and served as the model for the new roadside sign.  

You probably noticed the mechanical heron prominently displayed in the bay window, along with the neck and head of a flamingo on the right (it lights up in bright pink after dark). The story behind these treasures will have to wait for a later post.

Labor Day Listening Room (9/16/12) - This past Labor Day we continued our tradition of hosting close friends for a weekend of music and beach activities. Some of the regulars were absent this year due to other commitments and one medical emergency (patient doing fine now). But we still had our usual great time. Here is a shot of this year's attendees sitting down to a barbecue dinner.

Lunch Poetry (9/21/12) - There has been a recent expansion of the poetry tradition, one on a sad note. In an effort to express my appreciation for a friend who passed away, I penned a poetic tribute that was graciously displayed at the memorial service. The friend was Caroline Trinkwalder with whom I (and several of you) had worked for many years. Caroline was a bright, independent and caring person who engaged life directly and fearlessly, contributing much to many. In her honor, I offer the poem here, for those who were unable to attend the incredible memorial service (which included a fly over of a B-17 Liberator - Caroline and her husband Tom were active members in the air show/stunt flying community; the fly over was part of their tribute to her).  

Ode to Caroline

She was one of a kind, you know.

Upbeat, and raring to go.

Set at the ready,

Constant and steady,

And always looking to grow.

She loved to work on new things.

And the learning that doing so brings.

She never said no

When I asked her to tow

Others, on her powerful wings.

She liked to mentor and teach,

And at times to her coworkers preach

The rules of the game

So when crunch time came

Their goals they’d more likely reach.

Always in pursuit of perfection,

She majored in error detection.

As a senior reviewer

She strived to make purer

The art of data collection.

But critiques were just a device,

To help others be more precise.

‘Twas easy to see

She consistently

Was constructive, helpful and nice.

Automation was, if you please,

Another area of her expertise.

She knew how to tutor

A wobbly computer

And make it behave, with ease.

With clients she was a smash,

Managing them with panache.

She quickly weeded

Out what they needed

And provided the goods in a flash.

And with words, she was a whiz,

A critical part of the biz.

Using tables and charts,

And a boatload of smarts,

She’d explain what’s not and what is.

But despite her wealth of skill,

I remember most her will.

She was tough and proud,

And lived out loud,

And of good times, had her fill.

Caroline, we’ll miss you, that’s clear.

We so wish that you were still here.

But we’re glad you’re at peace,

And free of the beast,

And thankful for your friendship so dear.

And here is a picture of Caroline as we will remember her.

I also had the opportunity to add a little poetry to a happy occasion - the 60th birthdays of three of our Music Night group - Linda Crandall, Robyn Mullinger (Dyle) and my Bride Nancy. These milestones were celebrated at our Music Night gathering last weekend with cake, memory books and, yes, poetry readings :-) The memory books were assembled by our gracious host Deandra Reinhart from pictures and birthday messages submitted by the group. Here are the poems.

In this first tribute, I honor Linda's invention of a practice known as "Crandall-izing". This is a Music Night habit (only rarely practiced, or so I think) of replacing a song on a Music Night collection that you're not crazy about with another of your choosing. Although a little tricky to do in the early, cassette days of our group (the 90s), this is fairly easy to do in the digital age. As the first song to ever be Crandall-ized was one of mine, I saw the opportunity to heal an old wound. Here is my birthday poem for Linda.

As she played the Summertime collection,

Linda thought, “This needs correction.

Seas’ns in th’Sun?

That ain’t no fun.

I need a better selection.”

Mattered not what new song she picked.

Pain, she did knowingly inflict.

And from that day on,

The phenomenon

Of Crandall-izing would stick.

But the victim, he took it well.

When he heard, he just said, “That’s swell.”

But deep inside he,

Thought “Oh woe is me,

I’m trapped in Music Night hell.”

But with time, poor Charles came to see,

That choice is what makes us all free.

So to Linda he wishes,

Despite her past switches,

A happy birthday this will be.

Robyn, the second honoree, and her husband Dave have been our frequent partners on Florida and more exotic vacations for the last 20 years. Her poem is about a little habit she has picked up recently of losing track of our various trips.

It was many, many years ago.

When the plan was hatched, you know.

The Burks and the Dyles

Would combine their miles,

And vacation in style for less dough.

Through the years the plan worked just fine.

Like clockwork, time after time.

There was just one hitch -

The “Robyn” glitch -

A minor aberration of the mind.

As the departure for each trip drew near,

Her memory would just disappear.

With a slightly knit brow,

She’d explain just how

‘Twas our first vacation this year.

In time, we learned to just smile,

And reply, “Yes it’s been a long while”.

Though most often for sure,

It was trip three or four,

We were happy to support her denial.

So to Robyn I say with good cheer,

“If you’re worried ‘bout age, don’t fear.

The experts agree,

This will only be

Your very first birthday this year!”

And wrapping up the birthday trilogy is this offering to my Bride of more than 33 years.

To my birthday girl quite sublime,

I say thanks for the wonderful time

We have had so far

Being who we are

Together - one heart, one mind.

Unlike some who’ve completed careers,

We retired without any fears.

We knew it would be

Peachy that we

Could live in a “play date” for years.

I look forward to times at the lake,

And the cocktails we so often make,

To golf and good flicks,

And annual picnics,

And the neighborhood walks we take.

So don’t fret that you have one year more.

‘Cause I’m six ahead on that score.

Just fill glasses with ice,

Add pre-mix (so nice)

And we’ll drink to the fun still in store!

Here is a shot of the three birthday girls from our Music Night gathering last weekend, enjoying the memory books and contemplating their revenge (from left to right, Linda, Nancy and Robyn). Note the gorgeous cake in the foreground and the easel in the background to the left with a commemorative photo of the three honorees.

I think this has been quite enough catching up for now. Thanks for listening. I'm off to put on my costume. Happy Halloween everyone!

Grosse Pointe Charles

What We Do Here

As you may have noticed, the frequency of my posts has decreased a bit over the summer months. I didn't see that coming. But in retrospect, I should have. Summer means sun. Sun means warmer temperatures and outdoor activities. And outdoor activities mean more time on the bike, in the kayak, at the ball park, scrunching down in Adirondacks with one's favorite libation, lounging in hammocks, and sitting on the deck communing with a variety of songbirds and other wildlife (like chipmunks and hummingbird moths). You see my problem. None of these pastimes involves a keyboard.

But time marches on, and now the evenings are cooler. The weather is still very nice on most days, but I have a tad more time to linger at the laptop and think about life. And today I'm thinking about cottage life and all it has meant to me over the years (as I sit in my easy chair at Wiser Times watching old Indiana Jones movies).

Of course, cottage life means different things to different people. For some it means the opportunity for water sports like boating, jetskiing, water skiing, fishing and sailing. For others it means enjoying the woods, hiking, hunting, campfires and stargazing. I like all that stuff, sort of. Okay, I've never been on a jet ski and haven't fired a gun since my army basic training. But I get that all these activities are fun. They're just, well, not me.

For me, cottage life has always meant relaxation. Getting away from the daily grind of work life and home life tasks, and recharging. Shutting down the adult processes of planning, data gathering, analysis and problem solving, and just...vegetating. It is true that cottage life involves its own set of chores. And that beach walks, immersing oneself in the healing waters of Lake Huron, paddling along in a kayak or canoe, and smacking a little white ball around the local links all have their place. But the primary activity of my cottage life has always been - and always will be - sitting around. Now that's what I'm talkin' about.

There is a favorite story in our family about this issue. It took place back in the early 80s at our previous family cottage, Avon Rae, located on Ipperwash Beach in Ontario, Canada. But it could just have easily occurred yesterday at Wiser Times, as the narrow range of my behavior patterns has not changed much since I was a teenager. As the story goes, David Spicer, one of my shirt-tail Canadian relatives (see earlier post Canadians for a profile of this beloved arm of the family), found me on the deck at Avon Rae one afternoon, nestled in a comfy chair, sipping a beer and staring out at the Lake Huron shore. It was David's first visit to Avon Rae since marrying into the family, and as such he was doing his level best to acclimate himself to new surroundings. Accordingly he pulled up a chair, sat down beside me on the deck and said hello. Of course, I had met David several times before during visits to see the Toronto-based side of the family, including attendance at his spectacular wedding to cousin Ann. I felt I knew David pretty well.

As David likes to tell it, my response to his greeting was a mumbled (but inviting, I'm sure) hello or hi or yo, can't remember exactly which, followed by a return to my nearly catatonic state of lake-gazing. Now, it may be helpful to note that David and I shared (and still share) the family status of "out-law", meaning that we were not spawned from within the McKellar bloodline (from which our brides are descendant). It also means that while we have uses, our formal roles in Avon Rae cottage affairs were limited. Out-laws are best suited to (and if prudent fully content with) nodding in agreement with the ideas of the "in-laws", complimenting the excellence of every meal, yard work, and toting luggage. So being of kindred spirit with David, I wanted to share these keys to a happy life at the lake.

Toward this end, after a few more minutes of my afternoon sit-around, I turned to David and with brotherly candor said, "This is what we do here." I then continued with my demonstration. After a couple more minutes I turned and pointed behind me to the magnificent wrap-around screened-in porch that adorned Avon Rae in those days and explained, "Sometimes we do it over there." Slowly shifting in my seat and pointing in the other direction to the gorgeous beach at the bottom of the stairs leading down from the deck, I completed the orientation by adding, "And sometimes we do it down there." Thus, in just a few simple words I gave David all he needed to blend in with at least my view of Avon Rae family traditions. Life can be so simple if you let it. But back to Wiser Times.

For the record, sitting around isn't always as easy as it looks, but with a modicum of preparation it can be. There is the identification of places suited to sitting around, the procurement of sit-around equipment (i.e., a complex array of chairs, other reclining aids and entertainment materials), the carving out of time in which to sit around, and most importantly, the acceptance of the belief that it is okay to just sit around.

This last component can be the most challenging. Indeed, several of my closest and most successful friends have found it difficult, if not impossible, to actually vacate the pursuit of achievement and just...sit around. And while I respect the ambition and talents of others, and their relentless drive to be productive even in leisure, I have to admit that I just don't get it. It seems to me that the value of what I call downtime, of just sitting idly and becoming one with your surroundings, of letting your mind and body have time off, would be self-evident. But I know that view is not universally shared. Bummer.

For my part, I have never had a problem unplugging and being non-productive. In fact, I would say it's one of my best things. My earlier post The Art of the Dawdle provided the nuts and bolts of a most enjoyable form of unplugging. But just sitting around is slightly different. Those of you who have actually spent time at our Greenbush cottage, Wiser Times, know that this inviting retreat has been fashioned and furnished for just this purpose. For those that have not yet made your way here, let me clarify.

When stepping out of one's vehicle of choice in the Wiser Times parking area, this is one of the first things you see.

Of course I'm referring to the grill-area picnic table and not the lovely model helping to bring a homey touch to this presentation. Actually, Nancy is the least likely person to be sitting at this table as, due to a negotiating coup in our family division of labor, she is usually staffing the grill as I and others as may be present sit with cocktails at the table and compliment her on her cooking prowess.

Just to the left of this venue are additional chairs at the ready for guest over-flow or for those rare occasions when the cook may need to rest during an extended or especially arduous grilling session. Both the picnic table and these supplemental facilities have also proven useful during post-dinner S'More sessions.

Upon actual entry into Wiser Times from the rear grilling area, you will encounter these accommodations.

The first is a set of table and chairs dedicated primarily to gaming activity and jigsaw puzzles. Here our model is perusing a recent edition of Golf Magazine, boning up on the difference between a sand wedge and lob wedge. The second shot is of the game room easy chair, the scene of many Sudoku challenges and a fair amount of quiet reading time, comfortably away from the hubbub of TVs blasting old sci-fi movies or sporting events.

To facilitate sitting around in this area, we have the equipment displayed in the following pic.

Passing through the game room and stepping up into the living room we find a cozy nest of sitting places tailored to major media events.

The first shot captures our model in the supine position lounging on the two-piece sectional, deeply engrossed in a combination "unsolved crimes/hoarders" TV marathon, a family favorite. Together with the easy chair shown in the second picture this sectional services the primary TV/movie/sports viewing area. Supporting this activity are the media offerings and electronic devices shown below, which include a 46" flat screen TV. No flies on Wiser Times.

Moving on through the living room and kitchen (the only room without a sitting device of any kind) and stepping down into what we refer to as the sun porch, we find yet another lounging/media area. In earlier years this room doubled as a virtual work office from which, through the magic of telephones and the Internet, I remained an active and productive member of the working world (well, at least as active and productive as I ever was in person). This first picture is of the primary sitting device in this room, a well-padded futon.

This second shot is of the media center which supports sitting around on the sun porch. It includes, of course, another place to sit, the house desk-top computer, a monitor that also doubles as a hi-def TV, a printer/fax/copier, and the customary VCR, DVD and Blu-Ray players that are found in most off-site work places :-) Like the game room, the sun porch can be closed off with a door and is a nice spot for an individual or small group to get away from the surrounding uproar for a private sit around.

Stepping back through the kitchen and the living room to the family room, we find the area that probably sees the most indoor sitting around time of all. First is the dining table shown here with three of its five leaves in use.

This table, originally from Nancy's parents' house on Roslyn in Grosse Pointe Woods, spent nearly 10 years in storage before finding its way to a new life at Wiser Times. It now sees duty as our primary dining facility and as a large and convenient work surface. Nancy and I will often spread out with computers, planners and other materials during our private visits to the cottage. But this table's finest moments are definitely the evening meals during party weekends when at times as many as 14 people have been known to sit around at the same time. Here is such a moment from our 2012 Labor Day weekend get-together (this was a modest group of 11).

Just past the long table is the area we call the Avon Rae corner as three of the four chairs, the three-legged lamp table, the white hassock and the long brown coffee table are all from the old cottage.

Sitting around here in the morning with a few friends and a cup of coffee is one of our favorite things at Wiser Times. This bright and airy spot, complete with an electric organ and neon palm tree, is also a preferred area for the nightly happy hours typical of cottage life. I should also mention that these comfortable chairs, three of which are rockers, can easily be relocated to the living room big-screen TV area for large group viewing of movies or special events.

Supplementing the chairs in Avon Rae corner is this new sofa that doubles as a sleeper during our occasional five-family weekends. Note the stylish pelican lamps in the background, a waterfowl that we otherwise see little of on the Great Lakes.

I must add that this corner is my favorite indoor sitting around spot for another reason - it's home to a VCR, a TV, and my 214 Star Trek VHS tapes - three complete series covering 431 episodes (OS, TNG and DS9, for you trekkers). Sit long and prosper.

You might think that all this sitting around capacity would be sufficient, even maybe a little over the top. But....no. As northern Michigan weather is suitable for sitting around outdoors for roughly half of the year, there are several outdoor facilities. First there is the deck. We have a nice spot just outside the sun porch door - sunny in the morning, shady in the afternoon, very popular for morning coffee and lunches on warm days.

The covered items behind our model are additional chairs for the deck table (brown cover), a half-dozen lounging chairs for the beach (gray cover), and a decades old (but refurbished) three-person glider brought over from Avon Rae (green cover).

Here is a shot of the glider in action, with it's new cushions and a fancy paint job.

The glider is one of Nancy's most valued possessions as it was her mother Marjorie's favorite spot to...sit around...at Avon Rae and enjoy a Wiser's Manhattan. Nancy and I enjoy continuing the tradition.

At the other end of the deck is the historical gem shown below - a table Nancy's father Rae made from an old door shutter over a generation ago. This table is a favorite spot for outdoor breakfasts, especially with large crowds, but it's also seen its share of lunches, dinners and even happy hours.

The shutter table served for years as the outdoor dining area in the screened-in porch at Avon Rae, together with the old soldier shown below - the kid bench.

Here is a familiar shot from the Burk family archives of our girls, Christy and Cathy, and the Dyle kids, Taryn and Scott, enjoying lunch at Avon Rae in the early 90s, sitting at the old shutter table while perched appropriately on the kid bench. The pose is what we used to call "gimme a good face". I'm sure you recognize the table, and the bench though not seen, is there, quietly contributing to the memories of another generation.

At present the bench is out of service pending a little reinforcement needed to overcome a bit too much happy hour during our recently completed 2013 Labor Day Listening Room. But it should be in fine form by the time the next crowd descends on Wiser Times.

Moving out into the yard we have another picnic table. The relocation of this Michigan pine original to Wiser Times was chronicled earlier this year in my post Hell Month.

This good looking addition to the front yard at the lake has found a new niche as a center for outdoor projects, like the sorting of Nancy's beach rock collection above. The table is also a favorite spot for drying out life jackets, water shoes, floaties and other beach toys after a hard day in service. And oddly, it turns out to be a pretty good spot for, well, sitting around with a picnic lunch. Go figure.

Our grandest outdoor sitting around spot is certainly the gazebo. It has an up close view of the lake, an octagonal party table, wired-in music and lighting, and - most significantly - floor to ceiling screens that allow us to still enjoy the outdoors in light rains or when even the most annoying of biting insects pay us a visit. Here are an interior and exterior view of this delightful location.

The gazebo has seen use as a computer work zone, a dining area, a venue for gaming and happy hours, and about every other sitting around activity you can think of. It has also been the scene of some late-night card games and bull sessions, one of which gave rise to the only standing gazebo rule - no Manhattan jug in the gazebo. If you want another Wiser's special, you have to earn it by demonstrating that you can walk to the kitchen, prepare the drink, and return to the gazebo - without mishap.

Last among the land-based sitting areas are the Adirondacks, first among which is the brown beauty shown above in front of the gazebo. This chair, rickety and weather-worn, was actually pulled from a curb on trash day years ago by our good friends Dave and Taryn Dyle (yes, Taryn from the kid bench), who saw its potential. Since that close call with fate, the chair (which we lovingly named Taryn in keeping with a little known Scottish/Canadian custom of naming important furniture) was donated to Wiser Times, refurbished (about a pint of wood glue, 20 or so three-inch wood screws and a quart of stain) and awarded a permanent home in our front yard. On a personal note, it's my favorite spot to sit and shave, but that's a story for another time.

Supplementing "Taryn" are a half dozen other Adirondacks that serve as primary beach seating. They spend much time at the water's edge and around beach fires and are shown below in their normal storage position waiting for the next sandy sit-around.

And lastly, there is the "fleet" shown below.

This may look like a variety of water craft - canoe, kayaks, single and double river tubes - but upon closer examination you can see that they are really just additional sitting around devices, designed for use in the water. That is indeed how I see them. This is especially true of the tubes which most often lie at anchor with a twenty-something aboard, caked in sun screen, enjoying the pleasures of...sitting around in the lake. And even the kayaks, despite the paddling effort that is required, are fun for me mostly because I can sit out on the lake and look for fish or interesting rock formations. And yes, it has occurred to me that I might not be using all this equipment to its fullest potential, but eh...I can live with that.

Well, there you have it. I rest my case that Wiser Times is one of the finest sitting around establishments that can be found. Yes, we do other things, as noted earlier. There are bikes in the shed along with a variety of lawn care and gardening implements. There are golf clubs, baseball gloves and balls, badminton rackets and birdies, volleyballs, soccer balls, Frisbies, darts and boards, horse shoes and stakes, whiffle balls and bats, Nerf vortexes, balsa wood airplanes, and more. And in a measure of time, all of these items will and do see the light of day. But to the last, for me they will always be distractions, temporary departures from the main activity, to be employed, enjoyed and then abandoned in favor of a more critical purpose - relaxing and recharging, through sitting around.

For as I imparted to dear David Spicer so many years ago, "This is what we do here."  

Until next time, may your sit-arounds be extended and non-productive - Grosse Pointe Charles