Road Trip - An Expected Journey

As Nancy and I just completed our first road trip as retirees, I thought I would document just what a Burk family road trip typically involves.  Of course, this latest trip occurred in the post-van/kid era, and was taken in our new Traverse instead of a van, but the essentials remained the same.  My goal is to share the key elements of life on the road with the Burks as well as tell the story of this trip.  (Look for a future post that will chronicle our family's 23-year love affair with full-size conversion vans.)

Preliminaries - First a few general observations.  To paraphrase Admiral Painter (Fred Thompson's character) in The Hunt for Red October, "The Burks don't leave their driveway without a plan, son."  This plan always consists of maps, copies of reservations (likely made nine or more months ago), frequent-traveler coupons for no-cost lodging, printed directions to the free lodgings, assorted travel guides and other books describing points of interest along the way, and a printed itinerary summarizing all of the above including distances to be covered each day, estimated times and projected costs.  (Yes, we have a GPS, but so what?)  Don't get me wrong. I like a measure of spontaneity and surprise in life, but not in the form of trying to find a suitable motel room in a snow storm or an ATM in the middle of the night.

One of the reasons we prepare so thoroughly (other than  my previously admitted OCD) is to accommodate our desire that fun begins the moment we cross the sidewalk in front of our house and pull out onto Vernier Road.  For us, the journey truly is half the fun so we do our best to create a favorable environment (see previous post on The Art of the Dawdle - road trips offer excellent dawdling opportunities, unless you're at the wheel of course). This means that in addition to the materials previously cited, the trip vehicle will usually be carrying iPods, laptops, lap desks, a bag of movies, a box of CDs, three to four audio books, assorted snacks and drinks, and upon occasion a collection of board games, all strategically placed for easy in-flight access.  In addition, as the dad I am responsible for bringing a service kit of wires, connectors, batteries, splitters, converters and backup earphones to make sure that all forms of amusement remain operational.  I'm sure you can now see why for such a long time a full-size van was our conveyance of choice.

Departure - Once the preliminaries are completed with all trip materials assembled in the family room,  we face the challenge of getting everything into the car.  As this was a Christmas road trip, all those items that wouldn't be personally delivered by Santa had to be included.  On balance, however, without kids and their traveling households (Nancy and I have entered our kid-free travel era), this was a fairly routine pack.  Here is a pre-dawn shot of the Traverse, fully loaded and ready for departure.

It should be evident from this angle that we diligently observe the first two principles of effective packing - big rocks first, and pack to the hole.  And yes, Christmas is in there, secreted somewhere between the Manhattan kit and the winter gear (we ran into a snow storm in Kentucky on a trip about 15 years ago without parkas or mukluks and vowed we would never be unprepared again). 

Here is a second shot of the load taken in a little more sunlight later on getaway day.  Note the ready availability of the blue fleece should I have to stand out in the cold and wind to pump gas, and the pillow located at the top left just behind the driver's head.  This strategic pillow placement gives me an improved chance of successfully feigning an emergency nap to avoid standing out in the cold and wind to pump gas.

Grosse Pointe to Tennessee - Here are a few typical first-day scenes from the road.  The first is why we leave early - our kind of traffic.  This stretch of highway is that tedious leg between Detroit and Toledo that we've driven so often it feels like we're still in our driveway.  The second is the first critical decision of the day - it's keep left to go to Cathy's in Hoboken or keep right for just about every other place we go.  On this day, as we're heading first to Tennessee, it was keep right for the trek through dreaded Buckeye country.

This next shot is of my Bride in cruise mode, barreling down the highway at a speed just short of lift off, and only slightly conflicted as she realizes that while she is off on another great adventure it will be 18 nights before she again sleeps in her own bed.   

And here we have our first stop of the day that will take longer than filling the tank - lunching at this Skyline Chili outlet in Covington, Kentucky.    

Much of my working life involved regular trips to Cincinnati, across the river from Covington. During that time I developed an appreciation for Cincinnati chili.  If a road trip involves a pass through the Queen City, Nancy and I usually stop at this modest emporium for some "four-way" and a coney dog and to catch up with Jim Harris, one of my oldest friends, who lives in the area.  (For those of you who have met Jim, he is doing just fine, still selling books and enjoying the fortunes of his extended family.)  

After lunch the trip resumed through Kentucky and Tennessee, ending for the day at the home of our good friends Jan and Miguel Rodriguez.  They have the unfortunate circumstance of living just about half way between our home and most other out-of-state places we like to go.  So we try to frequent this most elegant B&B as often as we can.  Here is a shot of the four of us toasting the holidays in front of their enormous Christmas tree with Miguel's fabulous homemade egg nog (real eggs, sweetened condensed milk and a generous portion of rum - now that's what I'm talkin' about).

Later during the visit we settled in for an extended session of Mexican train, an intricate domino game that is easy to learn, fun to play and almost impossible to win without a "carload" of luck.  We were introduced to the game by Jan and Miguel during our first visit to Rodriguez Manor a while back and love returning to our "train roots".  We are shown in the photo below in the daring "marriage at risk" formation (within an elbow or kick of one's spouse in retaliation for a "double-blocking" or untimely "train-down" maneuver), but by then we were well into the egg nog and had thrown caution to the wind.

Tennessee to Texas - after a day and a half of lolling in the comfortable environment provided by Jan and Miguel, we packed off on Sunday morning for our trip to Austin.  Here is a shot just before dawn of Nancy and I tiptoeing out to the car with our bags before the bill could be served.  We made a clean getaway for our 16 hour drive - the longest road day of the trip.

Once we navigated our way out of the hills of central Tennessee we made for the western border and Arkansas. Below are a few shots of the day's route.  First the crossing of the Mississippi, which appeared to be at a record low water level (later confirmed by a number of news outlets). Then a near-dusk picture of our escape into Texas.  Not much else of note to share from our trek across Bill Clinton's homeland.

We finally arrived at my son Ted and his bride Sara's lovely home in Cedar Park, a suburb of Austin, about 10:30 that night (Central time, of course) where we visited for a while and hit the hay.  The next morning we greeted our grandchildren and set out on a fun three-day visit which included a lot of play time, a visit to the Christmas light show in Austin, an evening with our good friends Sue Gallego (a childhood friend of Nancy's) and her significant other Jesse, a dance recital, and a challenging afternoon serving as caregivers while Ted and Sara enjoyed a well-earned day away from the grind.  Here are a few shots of the Texas chapter of the trip.  The first is of the Cedar Park Burks' abode, followed by Leili and Cyrus's reaction to seeing their long lost Burk grandparents.  The third is of one of the many displays in the Austin "Trail of Lights" exhibit, claimed to be a mile in length.  The kids loved it. 

One of the highlights of the trip was Leili's dance recital.  In order, here are shots of Leili and her buddies lined up waiting for their cue, Leili charming her biggest fans, and the all important post-performance fruit and juice snack (accented by a large sugar-coated Christmas cookie, of course).

On the last day of our visit we volunteered to watch the kids.  Fortunately, it was a preschool morning for both Leili and Cyrus.  So taking into account the afternoon nap/quiet-time period, we only had to sweat out about two unstructured hours.  We cleverly decided to spend these two hours in an out-of-doors adventure including some playtime at the local park (one long block away).  Here are a couple of shots of the kids taken during the journey. Cyrus is showing off his "pedal free" trike technique (pedals are apparently for wimps) while Leili is scooter-surfing what she insisted was a short-cut to the park (but was actually about four times longer).  The outing was successful as no serious injuries were sustained, only minor protestations were offered at the end of "swing time", and upon our return to the home the real parents were ready to resume their duties.

Texas to Florida - It's always tough to say goodbye to the kids, but we had an itinerary to keep.  So early on our fourth day we arose early, packed the Traverse (slightly less full with the off-load of presents for the Cedar Park crowd) and headed for Florida.  This part of the trip took us through southeastern Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama before crossing the Florida border and reentering the Eastern Time zone just short of Tallahassee. Here are a couple of typical shots from the road.  The first is one of the thousands of gas-fast food-coffee-restroom-grocery-DVD-road electronics-souvenir-auto parts emporiums that line interstates everywhere.  Our favorite is Pilot, but we would have a hard time telling one from the other without the big sign over the door.  Any road trip requires a few collective hours in such places.

And of course, a part of most stops at such places is talking to one of these metal monsters and slipping it more than a little cash.  I have found over the years that different gas pumps have their own personalities.  This one sort of screams, "Hi y'all, how you?  Welcome to citrus country! Gimme money!"

One sight always welcome on a road trip is shown below - the confirmation that progress is being made and that you're going to get a fresh set of mile-marker numbers. This is especially satisfying when you're leaving Texas eastbound on the seemingly endless I-10.  

Much of I-10 through the Gulf states is built in lowlands and nature preserves with scenery very interesting to those who have spent the bulk of their road time over the years gazing at the forests, farmlands and mountains of I-75. Here's a shot of one of my favorite stretches in Mississippi.

And a tip to those in the early part of their road trip careers. After a dozen or so hours on the road it helps to take a little in-flight snooze while actually driving, to freshen up and gear up for the happy hour which usually waits at the end of a hard day's drive.  Here's a shot of me demonstrating this technique (which I mastered by studying Clark, the father character, during several viewings of the movie Vacation).

Finally, after skirting the Gulf for several hundred miles and taking a night on the road, we arrived in Zephyrhills, Florida, at the home of Wendell and Dolores, my parents (whom I introduced in a previous post Hangin' with the Ps.)  We settled in for the holiday by joining in on the weekly bingo session down at the Tippecanoe (my parents' residential park) community hall.  Of course, I quickly glazed over in my panic to keep up with the real senior set (many who were playing 10-14 cards to my piddly five) and ended up winning nothing.  Fortunately, Nancy and Christy (who had flown in that day to meet us) did each win a bingo or two to somewhat defray the losses my parents suffered in sponsoring me.  

The balance of the visit unfolded as usual with some lunches out at favorite spots, a little shopping at outlet stores, some cribbage and Mexican train, and several cocktail hours. Then on Christmas Eve my sister Wendy and two of her kids, Tristan and Jayme, came over for the evening whereupon the gift giving began.  The festivities continued on into the night and all the next day until no presents remained and much of the holiday candy was consumed.  It was its usual grand time.  It was also the first time that our daughter Cathy was not with us for Christmas morning.  As many of you know, she is engaged to be married next November and spent this Christmas with her fiance, Matt, and his family in Owosso, Michigan, learning and joining in their holiday traditions. Here are a few shots of the Christmas Eve group.  In the first from left to right are Wendy, Nancy and Christy.

Next up, Tristan and Jayme in typical repose.

And of course, my Dad, holding forth over the proceedings as he has for so many decades.   

Florida to New Jersey - After another day of games and holiday food, Nancy and I dropped Christy off for her flight home and prepared for the next leg to New Jersey.  After breakfast the next morning we departed.  We were slowing down by this time (our 14th day on the road) and dawdled our way for a bit.  We stopped off at the Walt Disney World Market Place for lunch and little shopping, then meandered up the Florida cost to an Embassy Suites in Jacksonville that we have stayed at several times.  This particular hotel has a grand piano sitting in the central atrium that Scott and Taryn, the kids of our good friends the Dyles, used to serenade us during a joint family vacation many years ago. Truly "grand" memories.

After a couple of margaritas at the manager's happy hour, we headed out to see the movie Les Miserables.  It was excellent and offered a rendering of this old story that was slightly different from the classic play, bringing a bit more clarity to the narrative (as only the visuals of a film can) while preserving the fabulous music.  Then the next morning, after the multicourse complimentary breakfast that the Embassy Suites hotels are so well known for, we hit the road with vigor, driving several hundred miles through Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, the District of Columbia, Maryland and Delaware (cleverly by-passing Philadelphia) to New Jersey, taking one night on the road in Laurel, Maryland.  

This might be a good time to mention another common activity of a Burk road trip - audio books.  Prior to our departure Nancy had picked up a few from the Grosse Pointe library to add to the one audio book we own but had not yet listened to.  Nancy and I tend to favor nonfiction in this particular medium with a strong emphasis on history. One of our favorites is a 30-plus hour review of all the kings and queens of England from William the Conqueror in 1066 to Elizabeth II.  Another is A Team of Rivals, Doris Kearns Goodwin's tome about the politics of Lincoln's presidency (a portion of which is the subject of Spielberg's recent movie Lincoln). This time around we were able to complete a biography of Harry Truman, a history of the White House written my Margaret Truman, and this grand story:

It's about the 1910 wild fire in Idaho and Montana that played a huge role in the survival of the National Forest Service and influenced Teddy Roosevelt's return to politics in the election of 1912.  A truly fascinating story that I had never heard before.   

We arrived in Hoboken, New Jersey, just before noon on Saturday the 29th, our 16th day on the road, for our last stop of the trip.  Here we met up with Cathy and Matt who had returned from their Christmas visit to Michigan.  We had a great couple of days walking around the streets of Hoboken, dining at local taverns, watching bowl games (especially the last minute field-goal victory of my beloved Spartans), exchanging gifts and talking about wedding plans.  On Saturday afternoon Nancy and Cathy went wedding dress shopping.  Matt and I were excused due to inappropriate biochemistry.  And on Sunday we went into New York City to see the Lion King on Broadway (this was Cathy and Matt's Christmas gift to us, and it was great). After the play we walked around mid-town, taking in 30 Rock and the famous Christmas tree.  Here are a few pics from this leg of the road and the visit.  This first one is of a toll booth, a common site on the east coast and always an irritation to mid-westerners (who think tolls are rightfully only for bridges). 

The bridge across the Delaware.

And another one of those welcomed signs that make you think you're almost there.  

Here is a shot of the happy couple-to-be on a walk along the Hoboken side of the Hudson River, and a look at the mid-town Manhattan skyline across the way.

And from our visit to New York on Sunday a shot at the theater entrance and one in front of the 30 Rock Christmas tree.

And to give a feel for Manhattan on a Sunday afternoon, a view of a mid-town intersection from the second story of the Lion King theater.  It's a happenin' place.

New Jersey to Michigan - Having finally completed all of the items on our itinerary, we arose early on the 18th day of our trip, loaded up the Traverse one last time, clicked our heels three times, and headed for home.  No matter how much fun any road trip is, we are always happy when a return to our comfortable home and our own bed is in sight. This is actually about the only time you really hear the words, "are we there yet?"  

This feeling has at times in the past inspired us to actually cover the entire distance from Florida to Michigan in one drive - from 6:00 am to roughly half past midnight on the same day (1200 miles).  This is known in family circles as "the Cathy plan", as she was the originator of the idea.  Of course, to her (and to Christy and any trip guests), 18 hours in the van meant snoozing on the back bench or in a reclining captain's chair, watching a few movies, grazing her iPod (or in earlier years her Walkman), and picking up chips and a soft drink during periodic gas stops.  No wonder she loved this plan.  For Nancy and me - the drivers - it was a little more challenging.  But we usually managed just fine.  I only remember a time or two when we pulled into a rest area in Ohio and slept an hour or so to throw off the drowse that had overcome us.  

But these days things are less intense.  We had planned our final day well and only had a 10-hour drive to make it home, most of which was through Pennsylvania and Ohio. However, we were still anxious to get there and made only the required stops along the way.  Here are a few of the highlights.  First the climb out of Hoboken.

A little of the beautiful rural Pennsylvania countryside.

By-passing a well-known spot that has been in the news a lot lately.

Passing another well known spot (about five weeks too early to go here).

And avoiding scenes like this.  In the winter, Pennsylvania highways can be exciting.

To about the half-way mark for the day.

And on to the marker we were looking for.

So at roughly 6:30 on Monday night the 31st of December, we made it home.  We had covered 4200 miles and 18 states (including Michigan) in 18 days, without incident.  We were very thankful as always for arriving safely home, for being able to see so many friends and family, and for all the fun times.  

So now you probably feel as tired as we did upon our return, due to the length of this post.  But I wanted to give you the full picture of our family's version of the great American tradition known as the road trip.  In future posts as I progress through my review of the family photo library (a little over 7000 slides and another 1000 prints) I'll cover some of the more memorable trips of the past, including the 1995 swing through the western canyon country and the 1997 trip to the northern Atlantic coast.  But this offering should give you the basics.  No surprise that for many years the license plate on the family van read "TRPSRUS", to be read either as "Trips Are Us" or "Trip-A-Saurus", which ever suits your fancy.  They're both accurate.  We plan to transfer that plate to the Traverse at our earliest opportunity.

Until next time, and happy 2013 to all.

Hangin' with the Ps

 

One of Nancy's and my favorite trips in recent years has been an annual trek to Florida, first to my parents' place in Zephyrhills for a few days, then on to Disney's Vero Beach Resort for a little seaside relaxation and renewal for the four of us.  The first part of the trip involves checking on the status of "my" palm tree, shown below, that my parents are keeping for me.  It's about the tallest in their park and one of my proudest possessions.

 

After confirming that all is well in the palm world, we commence with the warm ups.  This year it included a couple of "practice" happy hours and some cutthroat Mexican Train (a domino game our good friends Jan and Miguel Rodriguez introduced us to last year).  Here are a few pics from one of the more tenacious games.  The last two are of me first discovering and then trying to figure out how my mother scored exactly 42 points four turns in a row (we later discovered that she was exercising a well known and very powerful privilege called "whatever mama says goes").

Once our relationships were sufficiently damaged, we headed off for the healing vistas of the Atlantic.  Disney's Vero Resort is an ocean front complex on a barrier island in the little town of Orchid.  The resort is everything it should be.  This is the front entrance as you pull off Highway A1A. 

Here are a few pics of the five-story atrium lobby where you check-in.

 

And the pool area which has a two-story slide and a nine-hole miniature golf course around one side.

 

 

 



And the sea side of the resort which offers ocean view hotel rooms, three-story vacation home complexes and six beach-front cottages that accommodate up to 12.  This time we were in a third floor one-bedroom vacation home with attached studio and a beautiful view of the water.  The veranda of our vacation home is shown in the third pic. 

 

 

 

Just before we made this visit in mid-November, Hurricane Sandy had passed by.  Though the storm was well out to sea, the outer winds created powerful waves that wrought havoc on the beach.  Here are a few pics of Nancy, my mother and I surveying the damage from the observation deck and the shoreline.  Note how the sand was cut away from the shore in several pics, creating a new "bluff" along much of the way and burying the bottom portion of the walkway down to the beach.  In the final pics here the crew is digging out and restoring that walkway (with equipment Nancy would love to have at Wiser Times).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Of course, the highlights of our fall trips to Vero have always been exchanging stories about the various contingents of the family (at present - Florida, Michigan, Texas, New Jersey and "missing"), observing the family happy hour traditions (the Disney Vero Resort is actually considered Wiser Times South), and playing more than a little cribbage.  Here are some shots from the most recent trip.  First a little nerve-steeling through pre-event parallel play, then lubing up for the competition, and finally - in mortal combat.

  

 

 

 

Despite the accusations of cheating at cribbage, fudging domino point counts and watering down the Manhattans (hey, I'm now living on a fixed retirement income with a reduced allowance - cut me some slack), a good - no great - time was had by all.  One of my blessings in life is that I know few people who are more fun to hang out with than my parents.  So I plan to keep on doing it - at least until I win a few more cribbage games.

 

If any of you have "hangin' with the Ps" stories of your own, I'd love to hear them.  And for the background of the Burk family history with Disney, please check my previous post entitled Disney.

 

And some great news on another previous post - Lunch Poetry.  The tradition is being renewed in January with an outing to the Mexican Town Restaurant on the 16th.  If your invitation was lost in the mail but you're interested, just let me know.  The event has given rise to the first new lunch poetry in over 10 years.  It is repeated below for your entertainment, set to the tune of Gene Autry's Back in the Saddle Again.

 

Get back with those tacos again,

Out where friends cheer up friends,

Where the working weary feeds,

And retirees tend their needs,

Back with those tacos again.

 

Dipping' those chips just once more,

Throwin' our cares on the floor,

Where we sort out every fright,

And make our mood just right,

Back with those tacos again.

 

 

 Until next time.





65

As I sit here taking a break from the holiday hubbub, it's finally settled in that I turned 65 last month.  That amounts to a little under 24,000 days on Earth, and a little over 16,000 since becoming an adult (this estimate might be a little high).  It also occurs to me that through those many years I have learned to navigate daily life in my own even (some would say slow) pace, drawing on my own observations, the guidance of my parents, a few hard knocks, and a bit more luck than I would like to admit. 

Knowing how I like to share, I'm sure that you won't be surprised that I think it would be fun to opine a little over what I've learned.  I'm not talking about the big ideas that we all know are key to a happy life - life-long learning, finding gainful employment, selecting the right spouse, and the like.  Rather I'm talking about the more subtle principles that elude us all at times, but can make daily life a little easier and more satisfying when remembered.  You might find something of value in the following.  But at the very least you will gain a little better understanding of what drives my behavior, and hopefully will be generous enough to forgive me for it.  So here are 10 things I have learned in my 65 years that I think are worth sharing.

1 - Life is a test, and tomorrow you get to take it again.  I first heard this phrase used in a negative tone, implying that each day bears new challenges that must be faced no matter how successful you may have been in the past.  But I prefer to look at it in the opposite light - that each day presents new opportunities to get things right, regardless of yesterday's sore spots.  This is also a variation on one of my favorite lines from the movies, specifically from Anne of Green Gables.  It is the one where Anne's teacher, Miss Stacy, tells her, "Every day begins fresh with no mistakes".  If you're familiar with the story, you know why that was so important for Anne to hear.  The bottom line is that if you can arise each morning unburdened by yesterday's regrets, your chances of having a good day go up.

2 - Know what you want out of life. And it can't be just - more. That's a goal that keeps moving beyond your reach no matter how far you go, and can breed frustration and unhappiness.  Better to have prioritized your life goals (that means spending a little time on them) and have placed them in order of importance. Then, over time, get as far down the list as you can. And take comfort that you have honored the top priorities. For me (and Nancy - we worked this issue together years ago), the top four are 1. Honesty, 2. Health, 3. Strong Marriage, and 4. Effective Parenting. There are several other items on the list, and we work them all as able. But only after any needed attention to the top items is taken care of. And at 65, it feels good that those top priorities seem to be in good shape.

3 - If the consequences of your behaviors aren't meeting your basic needs, there is an error in your belief window.  This one is a little heavy, but important.  It is an excerpt from The Franklin Reality Model, freeware that was published in the '80s, originally developed as part of a drug and alcohol addiction intervention program.  But it has direct application to everyday life.  What it means in plain old blog-ese is that if things aren't going your way, it isn't necessarily someone else's fault.  It could be that the world may not work quite the way you think it does, and you need to re-think one or two of your closely held assumptions about life.  Or as one of my old mentors (the beloved William T. Bigby) used to say, "If you want things to turn out differently, you have to do something different."  (I did warn you that it was heavy.  It gets lighter from here.  Mostly.)

4 - Well begun is half done.  I have Mary Poppins to thank for this one (that's where I first heard it, years ago).  How true.  I find that if I can just take the first step on a necessary task or project, the momentum builds quickly.  Doing is definitely easier than starting.  I found this to be true in my work life and now in retirement.  It can take me days to open up Blogger.  But once I click on "new post" and enter a title, it's like I have you all in the room and am talking to you directly (one of my favorite things) and I could stay at the keyboard for hours.  So when you're stuck, just....take the first small bite out of whatever is vexing you.  It works.

5 - If it's in the planner, it happens.  This is a variation on the previous item, coined for me by my good friend Dave Dyle.  Our families have vacationed together for years.  During the years we had school-age kids at home, we would develop a five-year plan for those vacations, around the school calendar.  Sick, right?  But the vast majority of those planned activities actually came off pretty much as conceived.  This was because once an item was written down somewhere (for me, of course, this was always in my Franklin Day Planner, but any well-honed method will do), the time was protected, conflicts were managed, and necessary tasks were calendared and performed.  I can't tell you the fun and satisfaction that has been had by our two families because of this priniciple. 

6 - Preserve relationships.  This one has helped me avoid or escape from arguments (at least in later life) by remembering that there is almost always a way to make a point or communicate a message without creating hard feelings.  We all know the techniques.  The trick is to remember to use them when we are irritated or in stark disagreement with someone.  It all starts by committing to a basic respect for others as individuals - especially those we do not know or do not particularly like spending time with. 

7 - Treat people as if they know things you don't, because they do. And very likely, what they know could be helpful. The trick is to get them to tell you. This starts with the previously mentioned basic respect for others, but also requires a demonstration of interest on your part. In the working world, value the dissenters. Disagreement should be the beginning of conversation, not the result.  Showing an interest in and learning the basis for opposing opinions will more often lead to middle ground and agreement than will strenuously defending your own point of view. And both inside and outside of work I have found that people generally like to be asked how they are and what they think, about anything. Engaging others just for conversation, especially people you don't usually talk to, can lead to discovery of all sorts of new and useful information. And in this age of automation, phone calls and emails just to keep in touch can be as effective as sitting down over a cup of coffee.

8 - Don't major in the minors.  In other words, don't let a small issue - however strongly you feel about it - undo the good of a major activity or experience if you can possibly avoid it.  My favorite example of this is what I call "the great cereal caper".  A family (who shall remain nameless), while purchasing groceries on a fairly expensive vacation, fell into an argument over the price of cereal.  One of the children (who shall remain nameless) had her heart set on purchasing a particular cereal that was a little more expensive than the parents were used to paying.  To the parents, opting for the less expensive item was consistent with the normal fiscal prudence with which they ran their household.  To the child, the purchase of her preference would make this excursion to paradise complete.  Also, because of her excitement over the vacation (which was at a well-known Orlando resort which shall remain nameless), her tender age (classified, but under 10), and the build-up the parents had given the vacation for months, the child was wrapped about as tight as she could have been and not that interested in the economics argument being put forth by the parents.  She was flying high.  So the question became - were the parents really willing to blow the euphoria they had spent so much time and cash to create over a $5 box of cereal?  Fortunately, the parents - after a short but intense private session in the next aisle - capitulated.  Thus the trauma was avoided and the vacation unfolded without further incident.  And one post-script.  During my many years of family vacations, I have observed a number of other families caught up in similar crises, the majority of which ended in angry words and tears.   Of course, you could make the argument that those potentially explosive disagreements that ended positively would be harder to notice.  But.....nah.  Don't major in the minors.

9 - Geography is a powerful force.  Where you spend your time, who you hang out with, what you keep close at hand - all affect what happens to you, what you think, and what you do.  It also determines how you affect others.  So choose wisely.  It's hard to stay on a diet with a plate full of cookies on the counter.  A more important variation on this theme is that it's hard to maintain relationships without spending time together.  This by the way is the consideration driving the regular events in the annual Burk family calendar - the spring picnic, the Spinner Invitational golf outing, the Labor Day listening room at the cottage, and others.  Nancy and I have always made a point of getting people together on a regular basis, and have a lot of long-standing, excellent friends to show for it.  But whether it's work or play, creating environments that are friendly to your values and goals pays endless rewards, and makes life a little easier and more fun.  (See my earlier post The Art of the Dawdle for a particularly useful application of this priniciple.)

10 - Don't just smell the roses, plant some.  Those roses we're supposed to stop and smell don't plant themselves.  They often have their roots in an act or gesture by someone or something else.  To provide those roses for others, we each need to do our part.  It can be anything that brightens the lives of those around us - a kind word, an unexpected service or gift, a social event (my favorite), or just keeping your end of an important social contract.  They all count.  And if we all did this more, life would be better.  We taught our kids that there are givers and takers in the world.  And that if there is more giving than taking, the system can work.  I still think that's true.

So enough opining.  If you got this far, I am in your debt.  And if any of you have pearls of your own to share, please do.  I'm sure there are plenty of life truths out there that I haven't yet stumbled over :-)

Until next time.