The Art of the Dawdle

In our culture, dawdling is generally regarded as a bad thing. A waste of time, or as defined by the Free On-line Dictionary, "to spend time idly, to move lackadaisically, or to take more time than necessary". I submit that this is a somewhat narrow view. While I concede that in certain environments dawdling is not recommended (performing a critical business task, crossing a busy traffic intersection, moving through airport security), I also believe that the quality of life can be enriched through dawdling. So I offer the following in defense of this disrespected and misunderstood activity.

Dawdling is most often a term an observer applies to the behavior of another. Moreover, the term is usually used when the observer wishes that the observee were doing something else, something important to the observer. So perspective is important here.

For the most part, I believe dawdling is an unplanned event. People normally don't start out the day scheduling time for dawdling (although for advanced dawdlers - like myself - this can occur). Rather, people just find themselves in situations they aren't quite ready to leave, so they stay there. Not malicious. Not intended as an avoidance of some unpleasant task. Just....fortunate. The trick is to create an environment where the dawdling doesn't evoke a hostile response. So while dawdling itself has a spontaneous nature, successful dawdling requires a little planning.
 
A good dawdling plan has three parts. Part 1 is to identify those times when dawdling of any kind would have a negative impact on your well-being. This mostly involves situations that could be interpreted as blowing off the boss or failing to respond properly (and promptly) to the voice and/or needs of your spouse. Part 2 is to take steps to avoid these situations.

My suggestion for meeting these challenges is to introduce a little structure into the equation. On a regular basis (for me, weekly) review all expectations placed on you by others, especially family members, and set aside time to either meet them or gracefully wiggle out of them. Then stick to the plan. (For long-term well-being, I suggest you opt for the "meet" option more often than not.) All the time remaining after your expectations-driven tasks represents your dawdling potential. (And one caution - if you find yourself consistently facing more expectations than you would like, you need to take a look at the manner in which you are taking on expectations and consider making some changes. But that is an issue for a future post.)

Once you have eliminated (or at least reduced) the potential for negative consequences from dawdling, you are ready for Part 3 of the plan - creating a good dawdling location. Without an area that you can go to and "tune-out", you will find yourself sucked into the pitfall of using your new found gifts of time to work on practical tasks that look and feel a lot like the expectations you so cleverly dispatched in Part 2 of your plan. If you're serious about dawdling, these self-generated expectations really need to be treated and managed just like those placed on you by others.
 
A good dawdling location is relatively free from intrusion, physically and mentally comfortable, and within close proximity to your favorite toys. Within reach without getting up is best. The low intrusion component is critical to turning your default "what's next on my list" mental focus to one of "wow, look at all this cool stuff". And the nearness of the cool stuff allows you to act on the impulse before your brain can reset. We're talking here about a critical few seconds during which an escape to true dawdling can occur.

Once you're in, you can stay there with little effort for hours, until the painful but inevitable closure of the window by the outside world. And when the window does close, accept it willingly and reengage. You don't want to run afoul of an unforeseen expectation that may lead to nasty consequences. Just take comfort in knowing that your well-crafted plan is already working to create your next dawdling opportunity.

I have the good fortune of having a variety of excellent dawdling spots both in my home in Grosse Pointe and at our family cottage in Greenbush. At home there is the barrel chair in the living room next to the fire, where this post is unfolding. There is also my man-cave cockpit where I can sit surrounded by hundreds of favorite possessions (music, movies, books, old photos, games, puzzles) as well as an array of electronic devices that allow me to enjoy them.

At the cottage there is the rocker area of the family room with a great view of the lake and its own generous sampling of media offerings. And in warmer months, the gazebo has been a delightful dawdling spot. The important thing is to have at least one such location where you can be alone with access to whatever sets your mind free and makes you happy.

But enough of the mechanics of dawdling. Let's move on to its benefits. Number one in my book is just mental health. In our frenetic world it is not easy to step off the treadmill. We often find the pace at which we are required to move at work to meet expectations bleeds over to our private lives. That coupled with the complex responsibilities of family life (maintaining the household, after-school activities, elderly care) can at times make life seem overwhelming. My suggestion for taking back a little time for yourself is to work on that dawdling plan.

Another benefit is that dawdling can be great fun. Actually, I would say that dawdling done right is one of the most fun things you can do. You can sit and veg, explore interests that never seem to make your daily task list, re-experience a book or movie that you really liked (one of my favorites), solve a problem that nobody but you cares about (like getting all your Star Trek videos in star date order), or just sit and stare out the window (or another one of my favorites, sit in an Adirondack at the water's edge with an appropriate libation and contemplate just how long those waves have been lapping at the shore).
 
The important thing is that however you choose to dawdle, you have to do it without creating any stressful expectations for yourself. Just let yourself go and enjoy the freedom. It's good for you. Because while you are floating through your dawdle, using your imagination and memories and curiosity, the coping capacities of your psyche and your body are recharging. All on their own. All you have to do is give them some time off.

A third benefit of dawdling done right is that you will be more fun for others. The good feelings and renewal that you have provided for yourself through effective dawdling will show, and you will be more respectful of efforts on the part of others to do the same thing. Maybe even revising your expectations of them. You might even feel so good about your dawdling successes, that you start encouraging others (like through a blog post?)

A few other observations on dawdling. It can lead to fewer total things in your life that you enjoy more. Something to think about. The best vacations may be those to places where you can get in a good dawdle. Disney resorts are that for me. Despite the theme parks and other attractions, I generally spend at least half of my Disney time in the vacation home out on the veranda in a heavy dawdle. Also, it's good to teach kids to dawdle. In the busy world that is school these days, with record homework loads, sports, music, and the ceaseless world of social media, most kids would do well to learn proper dawdling.
 
And finally, dawdling can help you lose the guilt of not spending every waking hour on productive activity. If you have worked your dawdling plan correctly by screening the expectations you truly want to accept and meet, and then addressing those expectations as planned, you can make your jump to dawdling speed with a clear conscience.

One post-script is in order. You may think that this is an easy philosophy for an old retired dude to embrace, and you'd be right. My dawdling ship sort of came in on July 1, 2012. But my belief in dawdling is not new. I have lived the dawdling plan approach for most of my adult life. (As an adolescent and teenager I had no clue and spent much of my life in the dog house due to imprudent dawdling). I attribute much of my success at work, such as it was, to my dedication to regular and focused dawdling in between the stampedes that work life often became. And as I sit here in all of my retirement glory, I do so sincerely believing that I owe my safe arrival to the "another day in paradise" portion of my life to having mastered the art of dawdling.

As always, comments welcome.

And for the true of heart, a couple more offerings from the Lunch Poetry archives.

This first item is from April of 1997 and is set to the tune of Take Me Out to the Ball Game.  The Mac reference in Line 2, of course, refers to the Patrick V. McNamara Building that housed our offices.  I call this

The Old Bell Game

 

Take, me out to the Bell, gang,

Take, me out of the Mac.

Buy me some freedom from all this flack,

I don't think we should even come back!

 

So let's sign, for leave, and go home, team,

Or maybe out to the links?

Let's do three, six, nine holes of golf

And a few, cold, drinks!

 

This second item was written in May of 1997, set to the rhyme of the Itsy Bitsy Spider and poking a little fun at what I had considered to be a slight break down in service during a previous lunch outing.  I call it

 

The Itsy Bitsy Taco.

 

"This itsy, bitsy taco,

It's empty!" I did shout.

"No meat, no beans, no cheese," they said.

"We're sorry; we're all out."

 

Out came the manager,

Who barked, "What's wrong with plain?"

Despite that itsy taco,

I'm up.  Let's go again!

 

Until next time.