Father of the Bride Part 1 - Who's That Girl?

Ah, where to begin. The story of "the Bride" is, of course, very recent and fresh in everyone's mind. But the "Father of" part goes way back, seemingly forever. Like all dad's, I really don't remember ever being without the constant joys of fatherhood. I've seen pictures of some guy, years ago, always smiling, hair sometimes down to his shoulders, mustachioed, carefree and a bit whimsical. I'm told it's me, but I have a hard time buying that. What do you think?

Then came fatherhood. First, Ted (always a snappy dresser).

Then Christine (an angel from day one).

And finally, Cathy (our bride in the making). We knew she was going to be a challenge from the get-go.

Fatherhood is very rewarding, of course, but not exactly a cake walk. Over time, I'm afraid it has left its mark on me. First, there was the wardrobe thing. You really can't wear a tie with a Goofy tee shirt.

This was followed by a change in leisure time activities. Here I am monitoring the work of my two-ton air pump, prepping for the kids' fun at the lake.

Then, my travel habits suffered a radical make over, introducing me to the exciting world of bungy cords. It's telling that even with a full-size conversion van I had to strap a few items to the roof.

Eventually, through extended exposure, I lost my sense of balance (even while sitting).

And finally, the ability to solve even the most basic of fatherly problems seem to just...fade away.

However, with time, therapy (much of it liquid), and hours of rehab in my lab (thanks to retirement), I've made sufficient recovery to fulfill my primary role of dedicated spouse and, when dignity demands, take on special duties like - Father of the Bride. And one of those duties I feel is to provide a little insight into how Cathy became the person she is. Let's take a look at the evidence.

I call this revealing photo "cute as a button". She learned early on what a camera was and how to use it to her advantage. We found over the years that she could summon up this smile whenever she needed it.

Like here, turning misbehavior into charm, and cleverly documenting the hazards of DLS (dad-level supervision) for posterity. I've always suspected that the photographer (a mom, no doubt) put her up to it. 

From an early age she had a knack for space management, meaning she managed to put as much into her immediate space as she could, preserving options. Who knew what a girl might need next? Better to be prepared. Here she is demonstrating this skill at age one in her bedroom.

This picture also illustrates another dimension of her space management skills - before she could walk she managed to climb the rails and escape her nap space. Note that the mattress in her crib is only a foot or so off the floor. I was able to drill holes in the frame to remount the spring and mattress somewhat lower than recommended by the manufacturer, effectively converting the crib into a stylish but effective "kid-cage". On a positive note, this was one of my few successful episodes with power tools.

Here's a pre-school Cathy at the then family cottage on Ipperwash Beach in early '87, dressed for a walk in one of her first pairs of cross-trainers. Though Wiser Times is now the family cottage, beloved, and full of its own memories, Ipperwash is where Cathy, her siblings, and her mother first learned to love the beach and the cottage life. Ipperwash, and especially Avon Rae cottage, will always have a fond place in her heart. I suspect it is also at the root of her love of leisure activities and the high value she places on vacations and spending time with her extended family.

Not that Cathy only saw the fun parts of life. She has always had an industrious side, as depicted by this photo which I call "I want homework, too!" Here she is still in '87, in an attempt to keep up with big sister Christy (who actually had homework) drawing with crayons on re-purposed computer printer paper (you know, the early stuff, about the size of a flat-screen TV with those little tractor-feed holes on the side; this particular batch was surreptitiously procured from waste bins at the IRS).

Her curiosity bled over into domestic skills as well, especially cooking. This interest has blossomed in her post-college years as she is becoming, like her mother and grandmother before her, quite deft in the kitchen. Here's an early shot of her picking just the right pan for a peanut butter and jelly souffle.

And as you can see from this more recent photo, she hasn't lost the knack of employing just the right equipment for every cooking challenge.

Of course, a strong sense of adventure and curiosity can lead one to overplay her hand. Here's our Cathy in late '88 attempting to set a new land speed record for trikes in a driveway. However, the result was not accepted as official due to the unauthorized weather conditions.

And a totally unbridled sense of adventure and curiosity can really backfire. The picture below, while appearing to be a little angel posing for the lens, is actually a mug shot. The little angel was serving a time-out sentence on the stairs at Ferry Elementary School for talking, running around and actually trying to join in the performance during her big sister's Christmas concert. Remember what I said about that smile?

Another component of Cathy's personality is her love of sports, both as a participant and a fan. In her early days as a neighborhood soccer player, we cringed through several seasons, watching her play goalie with the same fingers that were training on the cello. And although she had a couple of close calls with hairline fractures, she managed to survive the experience with no appreciable impact on her musician-hood.

As a fan, she has always loved the Red Wings and the Tigers, and for a brief period when the Pistons were at the top of the league, she followed them, too. Here's a shot of her using her dad's "Bad Boys" tee as a beach cover-up during the exciting '89-'90 post-season.

Her fan-dom hit its stride with her college days at U of M. I don't think she missed many football or hockey games during her five-year tenure. And as I will explain in my next post, Cathy's dedication to U of M sports had a lot to do with her and Matt - her groom - getting together.

She has also over the years maintained her interest in playing sports. She had a skiing period but has now moved on to snow boarding (I'm told that one should not do both at the same time), and has a budding interest in golf. Here's a fairly recent shot of Cathy at the range in Greenbush, practicing her stance (it's important to look good on the golf course). At present, this is the best part of her game. But once she actually starts swinging at the ball, I'm confident progress will be steady.

As we moved into the 90s, Cathy continued to grow and engage the joys of childhood with her own brand of flair. Here she is demonstrating her prowess with a hammock,

and here guiding her snow saucer down a local sledding hill (Balduck Park, for the locals).  

She also began to grow her reputation as a party girl. Here she is in a fancy dress enjoying an appropriate libation at Ferry School's annual "Breakfast with Santa" gathering. 

In this classic shot, she demonstrates cool beyond her years at a summer happy hour at the cottage,

And in this pic, she is tripping the light fantastic with Grandpa Rae (a well-known local hoofer).

A couple of other personality traits also emerged during this period. One was Cathy's love of animals. Here she is with our Brittany puppy Copper who was every bit as cute as Cathy herself. 

Her interest in music also took root in the mid-90s. Here she is at her first school concert as a budding cellist, an instrument she continued to study both privately and through school orchestras through her college days. 

  

And I don't want to forget her drive for dependability. She learned early in life that one of the keys to success in any endeavor is showing up. Demonstrating that principle is this shot of Cathy receiving one of her many achievement awards.

On a stylish note, Cathy has always had a flair for the latest fashions. Here's a shot of her and big sister Christy modeling their raw chic-ness with the "pillow-head" look. Though creative, this look was just too far ahead of its time and never really caught on. 

The girls' penchant for sartorial splendor was fed for years by what was known as "the dress-up box", a footlocker in our basement playroom that was filled with old dresses, hats, shoes and jewelry from earlier times (with many items from previous generations). The dress-up box was, hands-down, the favorite toy in the house when girlfriends were visiting, which was often. And as you can see from this next photo from a 2008 Halloween party in Ann Arbor, they've still got it.

Flanking Cathy in this photo are four members of what I consider her extended family - from left to right Karen and Laura Yocky, Cathy, sister Christy, and Taryn Dyle. These girls in various combinations spent many, many vacations and family weekends together over the years. This photo captures a lot of history.

And keeping with the theme of extended family, Cathy has always nurtured those relationships through family vacations, weekends with friends, time at the cottage and other traditions like the annual Burk family picnic. Here are a few examples. This first one is of Cathy with Christy and Canadian cousin Heather in a scene I call  "parallel play".

Note that the girls are way ahead of their time as they are engaged together assembling a jigsaw puzzle while each is listening to her own personal music device (low tech by today's standards - Walkmen - but pretty hip in '91 ).

Here we have Cathy with Christy, cousin Matt (in red) and brother Ted in an Avon Rae pic from '94 enjoying a match of that summer's favorite game, chess, on the cottage coffee table (which now fulfills a similar role at Wiser Times).

This was a scene repeated hundreds of times over the years. The games varied - chess, all sorts of cards, Sorry, the Game of Life, Pigmania, Monopoly and others - all had their moments. But the kids' desire to engage each other and spend this time together remained constant.  

This next pic is another scene that occurs on a pretty regular basis - Cathy with a group of her oldest friends assembled for a Burk family picnic, this one from 2011. From left to right we have Dawn, Laura, Jenna, Sara, Cathy and Ken (who cemented his inclusion in the group many years ago not only through his charm, but also by being the first to have a drivers license - shrewd).

Let me close with a couple of shots that in my view sum up Cathy's life as a sister. This first one shows the three kids demonstrating their solidarity during a family trip to the Wisconsin Dells. I call this one "Shades".

These kids hardly ever fought when they were together, despite the disparity in their ages (a span of nine years). I've come to believe this was due to the respect they felt for each other as individuals, and the sense of fairness that respect breeds. Certainly they argued, about who got to sit when on the van bench, what movie should they watch next, whose turn was it to choose the next fast food meal restaurant - all the big kid stuff. But they almost always worked things out on their own, treating each other as equals, developing plans and agreements that met with everyone's approval. And though the youngest, Cathy was always a full player in the dialog. For her as well as Christy and Ted, this sense of fairness still seems to be a life ground rule. I see it all the time in their considerations and decisions.

And finally this photo - one of my very favorites. I've carried this picture in my day planner for nearly 20 years. I call this "happy kids". Here are the two girls, spinning in a teacup in the Magic Kingdom during one of our early trips to Disney World, living in the moment, not a care in the world. When I want to remember how good life can be, I just spend a few moments looking at this picture. And start planning my next ride in the teacup.

So there you have it. A brief but hopefully informative glimpse into the bride's personality and some of the forces that have shaped it. And from what I have seen so far, the groom seems to be pretty much cut from the same cloth. But more about that in my next post, Father of the Bride 2 - The Wedding.

Until then, may you all get to spend a little time in your own teacups.

Grosse Pointe Charles.