2020 - Big Mistake or Bad Idea...

...as humorist Dave Barry would say. Or how about that Gabriel Garcia Marquez classic Love in the Time of Cholera Corona (now an Internet miniseries by the way). You get the idea. 2020 was suboptimal.

It has not been my practice to give this blog over to controversy or weighty matters. There are plenty of outlets for those who wish to do that. I generally immerse myself in the long view, which I find more interesting. Things like evolution and ancient astronaut theory. You know, the basics. In the spirit of full disclosure I do admit to occasionally peeking out the window to see what's happening in the real world. This past year that was a mistake. 2020 and the pandemic have been such a train wreck, I feel they warrant comment. 

First a minor political observation. Trouble is trouble. It's bad. But in times of trouble there are still solid citizens - even heroes - doing the right things everywhere everyday. I take solace in that. It encourages me to remain confident that we will survive the chaos and emerge stronger and enlightened. We are paying a terrible price for our past and continuing inattention to reason. My hope is that in the long run, those who brought us to this unhappy state will pay the lion's share of that price.

That said, I believe the lighter side of "life in the time of corona" could stand nurturing. Comedians and comedy writers have done their part. There have been numerous efforts to portray in humorous ways the unwelcome changes that have been foisted upon us, notwithstanding the backdrop of tragedy. This post is my contribution to that cause. 

As this blog is mainly about... me, so is this post. Consider it reflection by a comfortably retired senior, not dependent on a weekly paycheck, living in cozy digs fashioned in all ways for my own pleasures and staffed by dedicated caregivers (my bride and our mood-management dog Coco). So what's my problem? Have I in my private paradise been touched by the cacophony around me? Plenty.

First, there are what I will here refer to as inconveniences. These may seem like small issues in the face of a contagion. And they are. But, if you haven't had to do anything that you didn't want to do for years excepting doctor stuff, inconveniences can feel like a big deal. Here are a few:

Living behind a mask. Masks have joined the ranks of required clothing, like underwear and socks. A clothes horse like myself needs a mask to accent every ensemble. Fortunately, I have a live-in clothier keeping me chic. My current favorite mask is the one she crafted out of an old Captiva Island denim shirt. Talk about PPE. On the upside, I don't worry anymore about a speck of spinach sticking to my teeth.

Keeping away from friends and family. I'm not a big hugger by nature which I attribute to too much sensitivity training as a government employee. But it's just not normal to see my kids, my grandkids, my mother and close friends without that accepting and uplifting hug. As Scarlett O'Hara's nanny in Gone With the Wind would put it, "Ain't fittin'. Ain't fittin'. Just ain't fittin'."

Eating in, almost always. I'm all for a healthy diet. I'm for balanced meals, prudent snacking and reasonable use of Canadian imports. But what makes the whole thing work is the guilt that comes with a calorie-rich breakfast at the Coney Island, or a fancy repast at an upscale restaurant, or best of all a total pig-out at a gathering of friends. It's the guilt that gives one the motivation to get back and stay on the program until the next oasis of gluttony. Without those periodic rewards, the whole eat-healthy thing sort of loses its zip.

Losing sports. I'm not a big sports fan, but I'm a pretty big "homer". Meaning I try to follow Detroit pro teams and those teams from colleges to which I have paid tuition. In pre-COVID 19 times, I tried to keep up with how my faves were faring. I usually knew if they were having a winning season (the college teams) or a losing season (the pro teams). But now, I don't even know what sports are in season. I'm pretty sure baseball is over, but the rest is a blur. Fortunately, the last time I had a good look at local sports doings, just about every team I follow was underperforming. So maybe I should just move on.
 

Living from one hand sanitizer application to the next. Again, I'm all for cleanliness. COVID by necessity has taken this pursuit to a whole new level. From a process point of view, my default lens, everything I do now has extra steps. Take pumping gas on the road. It used to be get out of the car, pump the gas, log in the gallons and price into the gas book, stop into the restroom, and then pull out of the station without bumping into anything. Now I insert a visit to the hand sanitizer bottle between most of these steps. Even after washing my hands in the restroom. P is for paranoia. 

The good news is that despite these and other inconveniences, the determined among us have figured out ways of safely doing some of the things we have to do or just really like to do. Some examples.

Shopping for groceries. This one for half of us turns out to be fairly simple. The trick is to be the oldest and most medically vulnerable member of your household. Surprisingly, at 651 Vernier that's me! Who thought all of those unpleasant diagnoses and health speed bumps would have a silver lining. Fortunately, my bride is well-prepared to weather those periodic EDAs (extra-domicile-activities) with minimal risk. Proper gear, a shopping plan and execution during low-attendance periods are the key. Also, avoiding any aisle with a confused-looking man pushing a shopping cart in bedroom slippers (a la Lebowski) is an important rule. As a result, I find my normal food acquisition process - adding a desired item to the list on the refrigerator - still works fine.

Hair care: Being a boy, this one crept up on me. I've used the services of an in-house hair trimmer ever since my barber intimated that she felt guilty taking her fee. Apparently the three and a half minutes it took her to service my thinly populated scalp wasn't professionally fulfilling. However, it was a different story for my bride. Trauma would be a good word. She like many of her friends and women around the world, deprived of their hair stylists, were faced with battling time on their own. 

I understand some women drafted their spouses (tortured might be a better description) as substitute hair caregivers. Realizing what a disaster that would be in our house, my bride used the opportunity to "go gray" and get it over with. The process was a little scary for her in the beginning. But she slugged it out and is now quite content with her new look, and happy I believe to be free of hair-color tyranny. Lemons to lemonade, as it were.

Road trips: This may seem like an unlikely item to continue during a national pandemic, even for someone whose auto license plate reads "TRPSRUS". And for awhile it was. We cancelled three trips from March to July including a swing through the Gulf states and a two-week excursion to the Canadian Maritimes to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. But in August we took advantage of slightly slackened restrictions and journeyed south to visit my mother in Florida. She hadn't seen a sensible human in person since February (her non-masking, socially irresponsible neighbors flitting back and forth to bingo in their golf carts didn't count). 

That six-month period from February to August was the longest gap between mom visits in many years. And she was lonely. Way. Not easy for a social animal like my mother to isolate herself for months on end, limited to cable news, soap operas and Judge Marilyn. On the road we learned that through the magic of automation and smart phones we could gas up, stay in a nice hotel, and survive on fast "food" for a couple of days with hardly any human contact. An arm sticking out of a drive-thru window was about it. At mom's we wore masks, distanced and sanitized. Fortifying our resolve with Canadian attitude-sanitizer helped a great deal, too. Especially for mom.

We have since taken three other road trips, abiding by the same safety rules. One to see a small group of friends in Tennessee and twice more to Florida. We have even stayed at Disney resorts, sticking mostly to our rooms, cooking or eating take-out, and walking the grounds as our primary entertainment. No theme parks, no theaters, no restaurants, no public transportation, and only minimal shopping in mostly over-sanitized empty stores. It was different. But, surprisingly relaxing. At least for me. I sort of blossom in an atmosphere where I don't have to get up and go do something.   

Gathering - virtually: One word - Zoom. I know there are other virtual meeting tools (Hangouts, Duo, Facetime) but Zoom has become so common in our everyday lives that it's now a verb in many languages. And for good reason. It has enabled everyone from the computer-literate to the cyber-challenged to visit in groups if they can open an email and click on the blue text. It has kept families safely in touch and given businesses who could adapt a fighting chance. 

Our music club, formally known as The Music Night Federation of Metropolitan Detroit (mugs and tee shirts are available) has continued in a modified virtual mode without missing a beat.  The pace of our remote MNF chats has been somewhat slower than our in-person parties, due to the vagaries of the Internet. But the virtual mode has a silver lining. Members who are geographically remote have been able to join in the fun more frequently. And everyone seems glad to see each other and share/hear how we are all doing. 

Another social activity that has survived are "Spinner" get-togethers. As described at length in earlier posts, the Spinners are a small group of friends who have been doing something together on Thursday nights (bowl, curl, karaoke, imbibe) since the '80s. True, the level of physical activity has waned in recent years. These days it's limited mostly to jaw and elbow exercises. As a matter of fact, I don't think it's too far fetched to say that Spinning has become more cerebral. Not intellectual, mind you. That would be a stretch. More think-tanked than think tank. But definitely cerebral. The range and depth of issues we find to disagree on in a two-three hour carouse can be impressive.

The pandemic seriously threatened this weekly ritual. In the beginning, we adapted by gathering on the patio of one of our group. We each brought our own drinks and snacks, and sat on yard furniture at a respectable distance. The live music we were used to at the bar was replaced by the elaborate rolling music machine of another one of our group. We were quite proud of ourselves through mid-October. Then it got cold.

Undaunted, we adapted again by going to Zoom. Since Halloween our weekly Spinning has been done virtually. We don't last quite as long as with the live sessions, but we enjoy it and can do it from anywhere. That having been said, we are all waiting desperately for our return to in-person Spinning at the bar, with the old mediocre live music and doting barmaids. I miss the seasoned fries and getting smacked gently on the back of the head for utterances that don't quite rise to our (newly found) high cerebral plane. I'm so glad I said this first. 

Before closing this post, I would like to share just a couple more thoughts regarding 2020 and the pandemical world we share.

Is it worth the risk? That's the question we've had to deal with since last March. "It", of course, refers to anything and everything you want to do. Should I see family? See friends? Grocery shop? Travel to see mom? Eat at a restaurant? Go to the doctor? Gather with friends on a patio or in a backyard? And many, many other what-used-to-be-normal activities. We weigh the risks, assess the benefits, look for ways to make what we want to do safe, make a decision and then hope nothing goes bad. It was life in 2020 and will continue to be what we do for at least the first half of 2021. It's stressful, tiring, and depressing. But...it's the only defense we currently have against the dreaded bug. 

What's next? For me, vaccination would be nice. Shouldn't be too long now. We've received preliminary calls from our health care provider. After that, I expect we will begin expanding our bubble slowly and cautiously as others get their shots and the COVID stats begin to decline. Eventually, our social world will return to something like what it was. But not entirely.

I've read a bit about dangerous viruses, new to most of us but not new to the world. These ancient life forms have been happy to hide out in tropical jungles for millennia. But with ever-increasing deforestation, the growing popularity of exotic animals as a food source, and nearly unrestricted global travel, viruses are looking for and able to find new hosts. They like humans a lot. So our challenge isn't only to survive this pandemic. It's to be smart about how the world is changing and adapt, to prevent all this from happening again. It should be obvious to even the casual observer that it's a bad time to be a slow learner.

But enough gloom. Nancy and I are more than ready to resume the active and happy social life we have enjoyed for years. Even if the rules may be slightly different. We missed the 2020 summer that wasn't. And are looking forward to making up for it in 2021.

Grosse Pointe Charles

Memory Lane - Christmas is for Children (November and December 1981)

My last post ended with Halloween, and Christy's first sighting of a Jack-o-Lantern. Halloween, from a point of view, is really the start of the holiday season. We decorate, we wear funny clothes, and we eat more than usual. Especially sugar. The kids have fun, too. And then on the first day of November, we begin our slow but certain descent into Thanksgiving.

Things aren't so obvious in the beginning. Life appears normal. We dine.

Have birthdays.

Play with our food.

Exercise (this swing was not like current motorized versions; I had to crank it up).

Figure things out.

Worry about the future.

But mostly just lie around and look cute. Glow even.

But before you know it, the next holiday is upon you. That year we spent Thanksgiving with my family up north in Linwood. It was a fun time for the growing brood of cousins who didn't get to see each other that often. Here's a pic of my parents home, set on a couple of acres on a country road northwest of Bay City.

A little dreary outside that weekend, but warm and cozy on the inside. Here are a few pics. The girls gathering in the kitchen, giddy about something. Maybe they were just happy to see me. From left to right my mother, sisters Wendy and Cindy, Wendy's eldest Jennifer, and Wendy's second daughter Melanie ducking behind Jennifer's elbow to avoid injury.  

These girls were busy doing other things.

Here is a rare group photo of the six grandchildren in business in 1981. From left to right Tristan (Wendy's son), Ted, Jennifer holding Christy, Melanie, and my brother Jeff's daughter Dee Dee (actually little Dolores). 

Some of us dressed better than others for the occasion, complete with party hat.

There were some important parenting moments, like this little father-daughter exchange.

And some heartfelt grandparenting moments like this thoughtful interlude shared by my dad and Ted.

And this "grandma knows best" lesson with my mother. You can just see the reality of this principle crystalizing in Christy's still forming (but eternally active) psyche.

Of course, the whole affair was expertly chaperoned by my parents' dog Eureka, usually referred to as just Reka. Aptly named as she was a foundling. 

She did have eyes, but they were not often seen through her curly coat. And she got along famously with this other curly member of the family, seen here in happy repose. 

Thanksgiving in our review mirror, we ambled back to our comfy Dearborn abode to prepare for the onslaught of the next holiday on the horizon.

A couple of years ago I published a trilogy of posts wherein I describe my personal conception of the annual holiday season. It began with the post subtitled The Launch, and continued with The Gauntlet and Splashdown. As we are now deep into the 2020 holiday season, you might derive some comfort from a re-read of those posts as a reminder that you are not alone in your desperation. 

But I must clarify that in 1981 life was simpler for me, as were the holidays. Things were less stressful, more even-paced and not at all like the whirlwind freefall described in my trilogy. Nonetheless, the holidays were still busy. The first series of events were gatherings with friends, formally and informally, to celebrate each other and our times together. Here are some pics.

These first few were of a cookie baking party with Bob A. previously introduced as the best man at our wedding. Bob and I became good friends when we were drafted together in 1970 and shared our basic training experience. There are some good stories from that time, but they'll have to wait for another day. As you can see, Bob was just the personality we wanted our kids to spend time with.

Here's a shot of Nancy with fellow IRS manager Brian C. at a holiday luncheon. 

We haven't heard much about Brian since he retired many years ago. He was a good friend to both of us for many years and a true kindred spirit. He, like many of our IRS friends, was a creative soul who stumbled into the IRS to earn a living. Brian was a talented musician, sketch artist and writer. And was a delight to spend time with.

Here's a memorable shot of Nancy with another, even closer old friend Bobby D., taken at a holiday gathering at Bob's house. 

You've seen Bob in this blog before, and will again. Bob had his issues. But when he was up, he was way up. And a true audiophile. My penchant for having high quality, multi-dimensional entertainment systems in every room came directly out of spending time with Bob and his toys. He had quite an influence on me. Unfortunately, Bob eventually came to a sad end, which I will get to in time. But this is how we remember him. A caring friend, sharp-witted and always up for fun.

Of course, it wasn't all about friends. The march to Christmas had many family moments, too. There was a holiday visit from Ted's sister Jamie, and another attempt to photograph this curious triumvirate. 

Chewies to gnaw over, for some of us.

Some serene moments to reflect on the wonderfulness of all the activity.

And of course, a lot of lying around looking cute.

Amidst the hoopla, the holiday itself eventually arrived. For us the celebration that year involved several days and multiple venues. It was a foreshadowing of what the future would involve, just on a smaller scale. There was the tree, of course. 

If you look closely, you might be able to tell by its asymmetrical beauty that this was a real tree (at least real before it fulfilled its destiny and hit the post-holiday curb). As with many if not most new couples, we were purists. Struggling with crooked trunks, unruly branches, daily watering to keep the tree from drying out and in my case an allergy to pine needles. But hey, it was cool.

Here is a shot of Christy's first "in-front-of-the-tree-Christmas-morning" experience. There'll be more of these.

We had Christmas morning at home, with a only a modicum of frenzy as Ted was modeling proper behavior for Christy. Here's a pic of Ted demonstrating his technique with Nancy and Christy looking on.

The early morning experience was a little much for the four-month old. She snuck in this cat nap between formal events.

Then it was over to Nancy's parents' house for more festivities. For some reason there are very few pics of that afternoon. But I did find this gem of Ted, crashing on Grandpa's bed on what I believe was a new sleeping bag, exhausted from the Number 1 day in the kid year. It appears he found his way there with a transformer in one hand, a Star Wars aircraft in the other, and a new lantern.

The next day we headed back up to my parents' place for more revelry. The cousins were there for a do-over of the Thanksgiving gathering. Here's cousin Melanie enjoying the aftermath of the gifting activities.

Ted and cousin Tristan were in high gear.

Cousin Jennifer, the oldest member of the gang, found some solace snuggling with Grandma.

Meanwhile, Grandpa and Ted took to the snow, first for chores.

And then some fun. Not sure who came out on top in this battle of the generations.

Meanwhile, Christy quietly took it all in from her special perch right in the middle of everything, comforted by her special find of the day - a big, fuzzy ball. 

Nancy and I enjoyed our time with the crowd, but were happy that the holiday energy had peaked and was slowly ebbing back to normal levels. Here's a pic of Nancy savoring a moment.

And one of me with my two favorite gifts of 1981, Christy and my new Christmas sweater. Hey. It was the '80s.

As the weekend visit came to an end, there was one more memorable shot. Here's Christy, crashed in place from all the stimulation. Note her footwear, or should I say lack of it. We didn't realize at the time that this would become a familiar scene. More to follow on this little personality foible.

Back in Dearborn for the end of the year, we relaxed. Ted was deep into what I refer to as his cowboy period, during which he liked to sport full western garb, including this vest.

And Christy, with her first Christmas under her belt, was becoming pretty ambulatory in her little scooter and learning about toys. 

That little yellow car on her tray was a present that year. After 40 years it's still part of our household, now as a part of our cache of grandchild amusements. It still looks good, and it's horn still squeaks.

This brings us to the end of 1981, and to the end of this post. Thanks for listening.

Happy holidays, everyone. I offer this closing thought for the event.

Twenty-twenty, I must say,

You are not invited to stay.

Please timely depart,

So we can all start,

Twenty-twenty-one. Hooray!

 Grosse Pointe Charles

Memory Lane - There's a New Kid in Town (September and October 1981)

At the end of my previous post "Everything Changes" daughter Christine had arrived in the world and made her way to our baby Ford home in West Dearborn. We spent September introducing our little bundle of joy to her new digs and to our family and friends. She was a big hit. In this first pic she is meeting her Aunt Barb and cousin Matt.

In the shot below she is taking in the happy visage of her "Uncle" Bob. No relation whatsoever but bound to the family as he was the best man at our wedding (for a few more shots of this colorful character, check out my initial Memory Lane post from October of  2012).

Of course Grandma Burk was an early visitor as well.

Another early acquaintance was Jamie, Ted's other baby sister (six-months old) by his mother and her new husband. Here's the first pic taken of this interesting sibling relationship during an extended family visit. As you can see Jamie was a little ahead of Christy in her posing skills.

In her third week we took Christy to a gathering at my parents' home in Linwood, just north of Bay city, to meet more of the family. It was a pleasant fall weekend, and we celebrated our new family member with a picnic in my parents' sprawling back yard. Attending in addition to my folks were my brother Jeff, his bride Sue, my sister Cindy and her boyfriend Mitch. Here we are gathered under the tree enjoying each other and the menu.

In this shot Nancy and Cindy are trying to resolve a slight disagreement between Ted and Jeff and Sue's daughter Dee Dee over a hammock issue.

Looking on are my parents, Wendell and Dolores.

I had the good sense to seek shelter in my Dad's garden until the dispute was resolved.

The storm having passed, we returned to normal picnic behaviors as shown in this pic of Ted with Uncle Jeff and Aunt Sue.

During the weekend Aunt Sue, who is an accomplished craft master, gifted Christy with her first dress - a snappy crocheted number which was met with delightful approval as shown below.

As the weekend wound down, we each relaxed and refreshed in our own way. Ted spent some time with the toy castle my parents kept in their play room, a favorite of all the kids over the years.

Nancy took a little quiet time in the kitchen with her curious and (usually) happy little girl.

Of course, a little father-kid bonding broke out from time to time.

Meanwhile, our little princess just kept getting cuter. Here she is in another new dress complete with fancy yellow booties. I guess shoes do make the outfit.

October saw a continuation of the Christy welcome tour. Nancy, having navigated the birthing adventure with aplomb was sporting a new look. She had begun her curls period. I think my first reaction went something like, "Stylish. Different. But very stylish". I have to admit, it grew on me.

Christine was also being introduced to a new look. Subtly, a plot was being hatched. Judging by the tuition we eventually paid to good old MSU, I would say the plot worked.

In early October we attended the annual LeRoy birthday party. All four members of Nancy's immediate family were born in October, her mother Marge and brother David on the same day - the 5th. So it was customary to have one large family gathering to celebrate all. This provided an opportunity for Christy to meet the matriarch of the family, Nancy's maternal grandmother Edna, lovingly referred to as Nana. Here is a shot of that event. Christy took it all in stride.

Here is a pic of the four generations of women together for the first time, with Ted joining in. If you look closely at the kids you can see the effect that spending a whole afternoon dressed up and listening to adult-speak typically has on them.  

Of course, cake and ice cream were involved. Here Brian is assisting his dad and grandma with the candle ritual.

And Grandpa Rae is deep into his picture-taking duties. As I recall in those days there was a lot of consternation about flash and F-Stop settings. Thankfully, it always seemed to work out. 

Wined, dined, plied with ice-cream and cake, and thoroughly gifted, the birthday party attendees all seem to enjoy the party. Here's Nana, in her 97th year, enjoying a quiet moment among the hubbub.

And Rae, hosting tasks behind him, smiling ever so slightly as a pleasant post-big-dinner drowse overtakes him. I love that feeling

Here's a final shot from that afternoon with Nana and her first three great grandchildren. Many stories to come about this triumvirate. 

In mid October we took a short trip to Toronto to visit cousin Lynne for a few days and introduce Christy. Not many pics were taken during this trip, but there were a couple of choice ones. First this shot of our dog Heidi, who didn't get much attention in those early days of parental preoccupation. But she was always around. Here she's lounging in her travel bed, just happy to be included.

Here's a shot of me that I refer to as my "itinerant ski bum" look. You know, the type you see sitting by the fire in the lodge after a hard day on the slopes, sipping single malt scotch, and regaling a gaggle of ski-bunnies with stories of derring-do. 

No wait. That was a dream I had. What I'd really been doing was this.

Drinking coffee, entertaining my baby daughter and warning her never to get mixed-up with an itinerant ski bum. 

But, the best pics from the trip were these - a roadside "emergency" event on the way home.

Halfway between Toronto and Motown, Christy had what we call in the trade a "blowout" diaper. So with the can-do attitude of a new mother, Nancy leapt into action. Probably not the first time the hatchback of a Chevette was used as a changing table, but it was the first time for us. My job was to capture this (hopefully) rare event for posterity. So, here it is. Destiny fulfilled.

Mother and daughter resumed traveling in comfort and in short order we were across the border and back safe at home.

As the rest of October unfolded, Christy spent most of her time smiling and entertaining herself. Here is a typical pose.

She was attended to by our small cadre of dedicated care givers. Here's Heidi taking an afternoon shift.

Occasionally we would strap the baby into what passed for "safety" equipment in the '80s and go for a spin. I believe these old car seats were all confiscated and burned by the government years ago.

Meanwhile, I sacrificed time and dignity to the manly art of nursery wallpapering. I admit my completion date didn't quite jibe with the original plan (prior to baby's arrival). In my defense, it should be noted that my day planner habit had not yet emerged. 

Our decor challenges didn't seem to bother the new tenant. She's always been very tolerant.

Before too long, Halloween was upon us and attentions turned to what even in 1981 was the Number 2 day in the kid year. Christy was oblivious to the nuances of the holiday, but she did take readily to one new friend.

Ted, of course, was in his Halloween prime. As a designer.

And as a field team member. Good lookin' kid.

With Halloween in our rear view mirror, the "New Kid in Town" tour gave way to plans for the holidays. We'll share that story in my next post.

Grosse Pointe Charles